“Family helps family” implies mutual help. But what if only one side helps while the other pretends it never happened?

This is what’s happening to this man’s parents, so he finally decided to put an end to years of family members taking advantage of his parents by being the one in control of their money.

But now the family basically turned against him, and he’s wondering if he should just let his parents handle their finances.

Let’s analyze this situation.

AITAH for taking control of my my parents money?

I spent a few years of my life in a remote village as a joint family of 18 members.

When my father and two of his four brothers got their first jobs abroad, one stayed behind, and all the members became dependent on the three earning brothers.

The one who stayed behind took on the role of head of the family and started managing (or rather hiding) the salaries sent by the others.

And his selfish plan worked, for a while.

Over time, my father’s brothers learned to protect their income and later took their wives and children with them, but my father didn’t.

He sent his entire salary home out of respect for his brother, since our grandfather died young and they’d grown up without a father, facing many hardships together.

His uncle took advantage of that.

That uncle never gave my mother any money but lied in letters to my father (we didn’t have phones back then) saying he did give money to my mother.

One day, my father found out through others that my uncle hadn’t given my mother money for my medicine, and I nearly didn’t make it.

That was the breaking point, my father took us with him abroad.

Soon my parents forgot and forgave him.

But that was a mistake.

Later that same uncle emotionally blackmailed, manipulated, my father into handing over our father’s land, promising to return it after some ” family work” which never happened.

My father even took a loan for uncle, which they refused to repay, leaving him to carry the burden alone.

You might wonder why he didn’t sue them?

Suing family members back then just wasn’t something people did and never done till now.

He realized his parents were an easy target for some serious scamming.

We’re in a better place now.

I now manage my parent’s finances. When my parents need large sums of money, they must explain why because we’ve seen how being too generous backfires.

Once my mother gave money to her side of the family and they refused to pay it back.

Another time, my father helped his sisters and the same thing happened. It took a lot of effort and stress to recover it.

So now, when relatives come asking for financial help, we’ve told our parents to direct them to us, me and my brother.

He makes sure his parents won’t be taken advantage of, but some people are mad about it.

I ask questions like, for how long they’ll need money ?

I ask them to offer something valuable as collateral because if they can’t pay, we’ll need something to cover the loss.

If they refuse, I refuse too.

They absolutely hate me for it.

Gee, I wonder why… They’re upset they lost control.

They see me as someone who’s acting selfishly by blocking help that used to be freely given.

Some relatives call me mean, controlling, cold, heartless, and rude.

My parents worry that my actions might create conflict or get me into trouble.

My parents and I have had arguments about this but my brother has always stood by my side.

He wants to protect his parents, but now feels bad about it.

Sometimes I feel bad and wonder if I should just let them handle their finances freely but I know if this same pattern repeats, my brother and I will be the one dealing with consequences.

Sometimes I feel like I am being too controlling.

AITA?

Their relatives are basically trying to coerce money out of them.

I’m curious to see if Reddit has any insight into this situation.

A reader shares their thoughts.

Someone shares a similar story.

This commenter shares some advice.

Exactly.

Another reader chimes in.

I agree.

If those family members weren’t planning to scam them, they wouldn’t have a reason to be so upset.

If you thought that was an interesting story, check this one out about a man who created a points system for his inheritance, and a family friend ends up getting almost all of it.