When you are meeting your significant other’s family for the first time, you want to make a good impression, but they should also be trying to make a good impression on you.

What would you do if your boyfriend’s mom kept trying to pressure you to eat more, and then made it awkward by saying that you should be working harder for her approval?

That is what happened to the young lady in this story, so she told the mother that she wasn’t worried about her approval, and now the mom seems upset and the boyfriend is saying she should apologize.

Check it out.

AITA for telling my boyfriend’s mum I’m not worried about her approval?

I (27f) have been dating James (29m) for six months.

I’ve met his brother and parents very briefly once before this incident but last weekend was the first time we were attending an event together.

It was a family barbecue.

No big deal, if you don’t like the food, don’t eat it.

I brought a bottle of wine, dressed nice, etc., and we drove out to his family home.

I thought the day was going well – everyone was polite and having fun.

But I was not enjoying the food, and while I obviously wasn’t going to say anything, I didn’t end up eating much.

I’m just picky, I guess.

I was, however, helping out and talking to people.

James’s mum noticed I wasn’t eating much and kept trying to feed me, which I kept politely declining.

She was getting kind of loud and whiny about it which I didn’t appreciate because it felt like she was trying to shame me into eating.

I started getting a bit firmer with my refusal and she started getting visibly annoyed.

Wow, mom seems overbearing.

Eventually when I went inside to the bathroom, she cornered me.

She brought up a couple of “small things” she’d noticed throughout the day, like that I didn’t interact with the children a lot, I looked “annoyed” throughout the day (I have an rbf), and that I didn’t eat a lot.

She said she just wanted to raise these things now as James really liked me and I needed to make more of an effort to get her “seal of approval”.

If she was joking, it didn’t seem like it.

She said it jokingly and maybe she was joking but it came off passive aggressive.

I was honest with her and said I wasn’t worried about her approving of me, and while I had a lot of respect for her and her family, whether they liked me was their business, not really my concern and I was happy with how I conducted myself.

She looked pretty confused by this but before she said anything else other people came inside and that was the end of the conversation.

Mom wants to make a big deal out of this.

I didn’t mention the conversation to James because I didn’t want to embarrass him or his mum, and I figured she wouldn’t either.

But she did.

She called him the next day and told him the story, and said I was arrogant and not family oriented.

I said to James that it was a bit ironic coming from someone who thought so much of their own opinion.

I told him I wanted to make a good impression, but I was never going to be the girl to twist myself into a pretzel for his mum, and if he liked me how I was that was what I cared about.

James was very noncommittal about taking sides but said while his mum was wrong to bring issues to me like that, it’s normal for a girlfriend to try a bit harder with a MIL.

That my brush off made her feel unimportant and like I looked down on her.

He said he’d really appreciate it if I would contact her and apologize and so far I’ve refused, which he says will make things awkward in the future.

There is nothing to apologize for.

But I don’t think I owe her an apology for being honest and redressing a power dynamic that she had created in her own head, after she was incredibly pushy and patronizing.

I think if we met again and she treated me as an equal, not a girl auditioning for her family, then it wouldn’t be awkward at all.

But did I go overboard?

AITAH?

It sounds like ‘mom’ was being overbearing, and wasn’t expecting her to stand up for herself.

No apology needed.

Let’s see what the people in the comments think about this.

This is a definite red flag.

I agree, mom was very pushy.

This commenter says they would cut their losses and end the relationship.

100% agree, James took sides.

Yup, James has made his choice.

This barbecue is just one of many family events to come.

If she doesn’t like how she is treated (or how her boyfriend didn’t take her side) then she needs to cut her losses and run.

If you thought that was an interesting story, check this one out about a man who created a points system for his inheritance, and a family friend ends up getting almost all of it.