Parents are supposed to put their children first and make sure they are safe and protected.

What would you do if your mom abandoned you when you were a child, but now that you have kids, wants to be part of their lives?

That is the situation the daughter and her husband in this story are in, and they don’t want ‘grandma’ to be involved at all, but the rest of the extended family thinks they are overreacting.

Check it out and see what you think.

AITAH for not allowing my MIL to be involved in our kids’ lives or be called ‘Grandma’?

I (35M) married to my amazing wife (36F).

We have 2 young kids together, soon to be 3, and we’ve recently laid down a firm boundary with her mother (52F), and some extended family think we’ve gone too far.

This can be devastating for a child.

Let me give some background to the story, my wife had a really rough childhood. When she was about 13, she caught her mom having an affair.

Wow, she is truly awful.

Being a kid and still believing in trust and family, she confronted her mom.

Instead of dealing with the situation maturely, her mom freaked out.

When her affair partner (now her current husband) found out my wife knew, he gave her mom an ultimatum: him or her daughter.

She chose him. Let that sink in.

Why didn’t she go directly to her father?

My wife was kicked out of her home.

She bounced through foster care and eventually ended up living with her dad.

It completely shattered her.

She’s been in therapy for years trying to work through it.

There’s a lot more emotional and verbal abuse in the background as well, including being told by her mom “I wish I didn’t have kids” when we were out to dinner, these moment really defined her trauma.

People can grow up and regret their decisions, but you have to protect your kids.

Fast forward to now.

My wife and I are in a healthy place, raising our kids with all the love and stability we can give them.

Naturally, she has zero relationship with her mother.

That’s her choice, and I support it 100%.

But recently, her mom tried to reconnect, insisting she had a right to be in our children’s lives and wanting to be called “Grandma.”

We both said no.

Not only do we not want her toxic behavior near our children, but my wife has said it’s incredibly painful for her to hear her own kids call the woman who abandoned and emotionally abused her Grandma.

We told her she can’t have a relationship with them and they won’t be calling her anything — because she won’t be around them at all.

Cue the drama.

People can change, but that doesn’t mean you have to trust them immediately.

Now we’re hearing from some extended relatives and friends of her mom, that we’re being cruel, and that “children deserve to know their grandparents.”

A few have said things like, “It was a long time ago, people change,” or “You’re punishing her forever for one mistake.”

This isn’t just about one mistake.

It’s about years of abuse, betrayal, and abandonment.

My wife has no trust in her mother.

Why should our kids be forced to have a relationship with someone who treated their mom like trash?

We’re trying to break a cycle here.

We want better for our kids.

But I’ll admit, I’m starting to wonder if we’re being too harsh.

So, AITAH?

If anything, mom should build a relationship with her daughter before even attempting to get to know the grandkids.

Let’s see what the people in the comments think about this.

Good question, this does seem weird.

Yeah, this is one massive ‘mistake.’

Good question!

This is a good strategy.

This person wonders what evidence there is that she has changed.

Some mistakes are permanent, and abandoning your child is one of them.

If this couple doesn’t want to let her back into their life, they are under no obligation to do so.

If you liked that story, read this one about grandparents who set up a college fund for their grandkid because his parents won’t, but then his parents want to use the money to cover sibling’s medical expenses.