Navigating a relationship with one’s parents as an adult can require letting go of old expectations and tactics of control, especially if, once you’re grown, you realize that the parent in question may have been manipulating you in a variety of ways.

Sometimes it’s time to lay down some boundaries.

In today’s story, a young woman refuses to strand herself at her father’s house to take care of his dog, but is suffering with feelings of guilt due to his response.

Check it out.

AITA for refusing to dog sit for my dad?

My dad asked me to dog-sit his dog for two nights while he went on an optional work trip.

I’ve done it before, and it was miserable.

I don’t have a car, so I was stuck at his place—which is old and very messy.

I’ve always been a very clean person, and his house gives me serious anxiety.

In this case, dog-sitting would strand this young woman at her father’s house with no ability to get out and about, and plus the house is unpleasant to be in.

My parents are divorced, and growing up I hated going to his house on weekends.

It was dirty, he drank a lot, and I never felt safe.

I’d cry every time I had to go.

Now, staying there as an adult brings all of that trauma back.

She also has a lot of traumatic memories associated with that place. She describes being there as feeling unsafe.

When he asked again, I didn’t say no outright because our relationship has only recently improved, and he has a history of going silent when he’s upset.

But she feels obligated to help her father out as they have only recently rekindled their relationship.

I tried joking my way out of it, but he made comments like “Well, maybe I’ll take back the gifts I’ve given you” or “You can’t come on our planned trip if you don’t do this.”

When she told him no, he started making subtle, and seemingly joking, threats.

On Mother’s Day, my mom stepped in and said I didn’t want to do it and it was causing me anxiety.

My dad got quiet and clearly upset.

In this case, the young woman’s mother even stepped in to try to clear the air. It did not work.

Later, he said my brother would do it instead—which made more sense anyway.

My brother lived with him, the dog knows him better, and I’d already suggested it.

Despite her father’s guilt trips, it turns out that her brother made a better dog-sitter the whole time.

Since then, my dad hasn’t called (which he normally does weekly), didn’t tell me the results of an MRI he promised to share, and emailed me about a gift instead of calling—very out of character for him.

And now he’s giving her the silent treatment.

I feel like I’m always walking on eggshells to keep our relationship stable.

It just sucks because we were finally in a good place, and now he’s giving me the cold shoulder over something that really triggered me.

This is just the latest in a long line of instances in which her relationship with her father is fraught.

So… AITA for refusing to dog-sit and upsetting him, even though it was for the sake of my mental health?

In the comments, people try to comfort her, telling her she did the right thing.

No is a complete sentence.

The way he’s treating her is very manipulative. Her mother is right that it’s time to instill some boundaries.

Also, why is he giving her such a hard time when her brother was available to help as well. These punishments are a sign of emotional manipulation.

Maybe it’s time for a new approach to this manchild.

It’s emotional manipulation, and she doesn’t have to stand for it.

Time to stand up to dad.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.