When a birthday is coming up for a loved one, you should try to make it special for them by giving them what they want (within reason).

What would you do if your husband repeatedly told you that he didn’t want any gifts, parties, or other things for his birthday, but then got upset when you didn’t do anything for him?

That is what happened to the wife in this story, and now she is mad at her husband for not telling her what he really wanted.

Read on for the whole story.

AITA for not planning any birthday surprises for my husband when he said he didn’t want anything?

My (40F) husband (40M) turned 40 today, and for months I wanted to do something special on his day.

I asked about a party, a cake, a present, an outing, etc. and he said “no” to it all.

We got back from a vacation yesterday, and on the trip I’d been sick (only sleeping maybe 4 hours a night for 8 days) almost the whole time.

Today, the day of his birthday, I finally slept and was in bed until 2pm.

It is never fun when illness goes through a family.

When I got up, I ate something, and maybe at 3pm my husband then got sick and slept until 5pm before being starting to vomit.

He has previously suggested a movie, and so I’d planned out a restaurant and the movie theater time/location for when he woke up, but obviously that didn’t work out with the vomiting.

He’s terribly angry at me now for not planning anything.

Her 40th birthday was quite different.

By contrast, my friends and I planned the 40th birthday party I wanted, I ordered my own cake for the party, I cooked for the party, and I suggested my own presents like books, jewelry, a coffee maker, etc.

He got me a card, a necklace, a coffee maker, and a book, and he took me out to my favorite sushi restaurant the day of after I asked him to choose a restaurant and had made all those suggestions for presents (and had walked him through which books and coffee maker I wanted while he was in the shop; the necklace he chose on his own).

She gave him exactly what he asked for.

He’d said all week while on vacation he just wanted to stay home because we’d be tired from vacation.

I take what people say literally due to my communication style and ADHD, especially when I’d been so sick last week and he insisted he didn’t want me to do anything.

He’s currently slamming doors, snapping and yelling at me, and saying that he will “never forget this”.

She feels like she should’ve known better.

I’m now really upset at myself because I feel like I should have planned something despite what he said, as I know this is a milestone birthday.

Before we left I did give him a “gift certificate” to go to a shooting range with him twice, once on his birthday or a day of his choosing and once with him and my dad on another day since today my dad is out of town. (His family lives in another country, so doing something with them isn’t possible.)

These all sound like great gifts to me.

On his first birthday when we were together, I made him a very labor-intensive cake from scratch since he’d always had shop-bought ones.

On his 35th I arranged a COVID party outside while socially distancing.

On other birthdays I’d gotten him presents, but he went to visit family in another country earlier this year, and due to finances we decided that his trip would be his birthday present.

So, AITA for doing what he asked, especially after he only did things on my birthday that I suggested?

AITA?

If he wanted something, he shouldn’t say that he doesn’t. How can you get upset when someone does exactly as you request?

Let’s see what the people in the comments on Reddit have to say about this story.

I agree with this person.

Something similar happened to this commenter.

Yeah, maybe it is time he grows up.

He got exactly what he said he wanted.

She went above and beyond and he still wasn’t happy.

What is so hard about saying what you mean and meaning what you say?

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.