When a young dad lost his wife, his only focus was rebuilding life for his kids and himself—not dating.

But years later, his family still won’t drop it, and now he’s done playing nice.

Read on for the story.

AITA for going no contact with family pushing me to find a new wife and a new mother for my children?

I (31M) lost my wife and the mother of my children 5 years ago. Ever since I have been working on rebuilding myself and my life and making sure my children are doing okay on top of grieving for the love of my life.

The three of us have been to counseling. Me when my wife first died and my kids when they got a little older as they were 2 and 3 when she died.

I did go back to therapy last year to help with some family issues I was having centered around my loss and that’s what brings me here today.

How awful.

I have not dated or been interested in dating since my wife died. I don’t know if I’ll ever be interested. But I can say right now it holds no interest for me and I personally don’t think it will.

The first year my family were all great. They gave me and the kids space when we needed it and they came and supported us when it was needed too.

My ILs and them had a pretty decent relationship at that time too but it changed a little over two years after my wife died.

Oh no…

The very first time someone mentioned dating to me was 14 months after my wife died. And it was just a question of did I feel like I wanted to date. I said no and it was left alone.

But once the two year mark hit I was told I was young and needed to get back out there. When I said I wasn’t interested some of my family turned on my ILs and blamed them.

They accused my ILs of shaming me into staying single for the rest of my life and of pressuring me to stay a grieving widower for the rest of my life. I corrected my family who were saying those things but it permanently fractured the relationship between the two sides.

Oof.

I took some time out from my family, explained why their behavior bothered me and I asked them not to push or to bring it up again. I said if I date again it will be my choice and when I am ready and not because other people have a timeline because of my age.

They were better for a couple of years but then it did come up again. I told them to stop trying to be subtle and focus on something else. That I was capable of deciding if and when I want to try dating again.

Back OFF, okay?

This was also when I went back to therapy and again it eased off. But then during a birthday party for one of my nephew’s a couple of family members asked my kids directly if they didn’t want a new mom.

It annoyed me but my kids answer of no made me laugh a little because my family acted so shocked. That one word answer really caught my family off guard.

I took the kids home after that and I told my family that was unacceptable. I got responses back that they were just looking out for us and leaving was a bad move, etc.

Sureee.

So I told them it was time to put distance between me and anyone who can’t accept my decision not to date right now.

I told them anyone else who wanted to pressure me or use my kids like that I would also be no contact with.

I blocked quite a few family members. Anyone who doesn’t mention it/isn’t as bad isn’t yet.

That’ll show ’em.

I did have one relative ask why I couldn’t just ignore it and why I had to go no contact. I told them bringing my kids into it was going too far and I had given them more chances already but they wouldn’t stop.

I told the relative I am old enough to make the decision for myself. They told me they didn’t agree but it’s up to me.

They said they thought I was being too harsh when the family’s actions come from a place of care. AITA?

No one gets to decide when or if he should find a “new mom” for his kids—especially not the same people who thought cornering children at a birthday party was okay.

This person says as an adult, OP can make adult decisions.

This persons says what’s done is done, and not to even entertain them.

And this person says to just go no contact and be done.

Sometimes love means knowing when enough is enough.

If you liked that story, read this one about grandparents who set up a college fund for their grandkid because his parents won’t, but then his parents want to use the money to cover sibling’s medical expenses.