“Respect” is an interesting word, because people use it very differently.

Some say you should “respect” others as in show them deference and honor, simply because of their age, or station, or what have you.

Others, like myself, think respect is earned, and never owed.

It’s that clash of ideology that’s at the heart of this story.

AITA for not saying hi to my aunt at a family gathering?

So I’m Middle Eastern and in our culture, respecting your elders is a huge deal.

Like even if someone spit in your face, you’re still expected to greet them, kiss their cheek, and ask how their kids are doing.

Sounds like a great way to get entire generations of people who treat those around them like trash because they know they’re bullet proof.

But what do I know.

But here’s the thing.

My aunt completely disrespected my mom a while ago.

I won’t go into every detail, but she talked down to her in front of other people, mocked her parenting, and basically treated her like she was beneath her.

My mom didn’t even defend herself because she didn’t want drama, but I saw the way it hurt her.

So, a very small act of defiance was engaged.

So fast forward to a recent family gathering and this aunt shows up.

She walks in, I make eye contact, and I just… don’t say hi.

I turned and kept talking to someone else.

She looked at me, clearly expecting the usual polite hello, but I didn’t budge.

Now it’s really piling on.

Later that night I got an earful from my dad and a few other relatives.

They said I embarrassed the family and acted like a child.

But in my mind, I was standing up for my mom.

Why should I show respect to someone who actively disrespected the woman who raised me?

But where’s mom in all this?

My mom didn’t say much about it, but I could tell she was lowkey proud of me.

Still, now I’m the “disrespectful one” in the family and some people are acting like I committed a crime.

So… AITA?

Let’s see what the comments have to say:

Not everyone was on their side, though.

The “ignoring the problem” approach is a tale as old as time.

But maybe it’s a delicate balance?

Personally, I think any approach that involves reinforcing to someone that they can be cruel without consequence is the wrong one.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.