When you grow up in an abusive or neglectful family, you will naturally have some unhealthy defense mechanisms which can last through childhood.

What would you do if your mom controlled you with money growing up, which made it so you didn’t want to accept any help from others? If your boyfriend offered $500 to help you get into a school you want to attend, would you accept his help or reject it based on past experiences with your mom?

That is the situation that the young woman in this story is in, and she wants to turn down the offer from the boyfriend, even though it would limit her options.

Is she making the right decision? Let’s read all the details.

WIBTA for saying no to $500 from my boyfriend for school because I don’t want to rely on anyone?

At 17, we moved to the West coast.

I was obviously dejected and horrified because my entire life was on the east coast.

However, I thought once I graduated high school I would just apply to the colleges I actually wanted to go to (Howard, CAU, Spellman) and could find my way back home.

This mom is very controlling.

Except my mother basically refused to fill out the FASFA if I didn’t apply exclusively to schools near the state she moved us to. Which would have ruined my life, given that we had a negative 1500 SAI, she had six dependents, food stamps, section 8.

Looking at us, you wouldn’t know a day in your life we were poor, but inside the house my mother was literally using my checks from my first minimum wage jobs to contribute to utilities and food. The only reason we were even still able to live in that house is because my payout from my first job shutting down was able to cover the rent payment we almost got evicted for.

I fell in love with a school in Texas and she filled out fasfa.

That kind of dependency on someone else drove me insane. I am hyper independent, and I’ve known my entire life that needing other people in any genuine capacity is unsafe. The whole fasfa game killed me.

This was an unhealthy environment.

My mother is abusive, my father is her enabler, so when push finally came to shove, I moved out the day after I graduated.

I moved back to the East coast.

I’m dating the boyfriend I left behind last time, I’m living with my best friend and her family I’ve known since sixth grade, my friend group is the strongest it’s ever been.

The other school I got into is in Philadelphia which I originally didn’t apply to, but they kept extending and extending and it felt like a sign.

I applied secretly and now that I’m back here, in Maryland, it’s only an hour away. They’re still taking housing deposits, enrollments, ect.

I basically have to give them 450 dollars to commit and get housing. They’re giving me so much aid, I’m closer to my hand crafted family, and I just get a clean slate.

This is definitely a trauma response.

My boyfriend is offering to pay the enrollment if it means I’ll go to the Philadelphia school but I’m refusing to take the money from him. Not because I think he’s trying to trap me or I’m ungrateful. But because this is the dependency I KNOW is unsafe because it’s consistently always been UNSAFE.

Needing people has historically been bad for me.

If he needed it,I swear I’d find a way to get it for him a hundred times. I don’t care about GIVING money because obviously I know what it’s like to not have it. It’s the fact of him being my only option AND it being 500$.

I’m probably going to get a waiver, but if I don’t then I’m adamant I’m going to the Texas school where I already got set up with housing, orientation, ect.

AITA?

She is letting her traumatic childhood limit her options as an adult. She should recognize that her boyfriend is not her mom, and really $500 isn’t that much money in the big scheme of things.

Let’s see what the people in the comments on Reddit have to say about it.

She needs to do what is best for her.

Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face.

She really needs to learn this lesson.

This commenter suggests taking the money and repaying it later.

Yes, she is only hurting herself.

She is letting her past trauma hurt her future.

If you thought that was an interesting story, check out what happened when a family gave their in-laws a free place to stay in exchange for babysitting, but things changed when they don’t hold up their end of the bargain.