She’s watching the parenting she grew up with—and knows too well it leaves scars.

When her husband’s discipline crosses the line, she steps in to protect their kids, even if it means tension at home.

Read on for the story.

AITA for “not letting” my husband parent because I step in when I think he’s being too harsh?

My husband (30M) and I (30F) have 3 kids: 9, 5, and 4. Our oldest is autistic and developmentally closer to 6.

He says I don’t let him parent. his style tends to lean heavily on yelling, swearing, spanking and demanding obedience without question. A lot of do as I say not as I do.

Sometimes he will call the kids names (“you’re acting like a baby,” “only babies cry” “you are such a bad kid”)

He’s thrown away toys, tablets etc when angry because they didnt clean, wouldn’t listen, or did something he deemed disrespectful to him in that moment.

Oh no no no.

I grew up in an abusive, emotionally volatile home.

I know what it’s like to have a parent who valued blind obedience over emotional safety.

I struggle with daily tasks, freeze when people yell, I can tell who is walking around my home still based on the footsteps and what their mood is based on the sound alone, and I have pretty intense reactions in the moment.

That’s especially when I recognize that same “blank, faraway” shut-down look on one of my kids faces when my husband yells, and I don’t want my kids to grow up like I did.

That’s bith impressive and sad.

I’m not perfect. In the heat of the moment, I can lash out at him for how he talks to them in front of them.

I want to be a united front but in the moment I react first, I don’t word things calmly, and I contribute to the power struggle our kids wotness of us.

I try to talk to him in calmer moments about the why and the thought process to the reasons I think we should find a middle ground of some sort for the way we parent. he says I’m coddling them, or that im biased because of my own past.

Sometimes I see him consider what I’ve said but consistency is the problem. He will try the way I suggest once, and when they continue to push or don’t do what he asked he sees it as vindication in ‘his way’ of doing things.

Hasn’t he heard of “it takes time”?

He seems to expect instant, unquestioned obedience and if I disagree or step in, it spirals into him saying he’ll just stop parenting altogether/checking out emotionally for the rest of that day or even days after.

I know I’ve had bad days. I’ve snapped at them to harsh, told them to shut up before and in my bad moods I’ve been impatient.

I always make it a point to apologize, or to (if o recognize I’m being mean in that moment) tell them it’s not their fault I’m not in a happy mood and suggest they go do other things so I can calm down and be better for them. I’m not perfect.

At least you correct it.

They’re stubborn, they don’t always listen, and they push boundaries like I feel most kids do.

But I also realize the way I react to them is MY responsibility not theirs to make me happy. My job is to teach them to be their own people and recognize right from wrong on their own.

He says I’m undermining him and making him the bad guy. But AITA here for not letting him parent the way he wants?

Standing up for children’s emotional safety isn’t “undermining”—it’s parenting with intention. And people are for that…NOT for Dad verbally abusing them.

This person asks if she’s going to continue to let it happen.

This person says he’s not going to change…so do something about it.

This person says both NTA and YTA.

Sometimes letting go doesn’t mean letting harm in…

If you thought that was an interesting story, check out what happened when a family gave their in-laws a free place to stay in exchange for babysitting, but things changed when they don’t hold up their end of the bargain.