If you’ve waited tables, chances are, you’ve seen – and learned to deal with – all types of customers.

It’s not the rude ones that get you after a while, it’s the weird ones.

And boy, did this woman have a table of crazies.

You’re going to want all of the details on this one.

Hands down one of the strangest families I have encountered in my 11yrs of customer service.

I am a server in a higher priced pizza restaurant that has wait service at night and sunday morning.

This incident took place on a Sunday morning after the holidays.

People were still coming in with their families so our table size averaged 6-12. This particular table was a 6 top, but there were only three main players.

We will call them CS (creepy son) CM (crazy mother) and ED (Emotional Daughter-in-law). I should state that CS is at least 45 and balding.

ED is maybe in her early 30s.

CS and CM are sitting across from each other at a table that sits three to a side.

ED is sitting on CM’s side, but is separated from CM by another person.

That’s definitely a weird start.

ME: Hello, how are you doing today?

CS: AMANDA!

ME: (startled for a minute, then I realize he is guessing my name) Actually it’s spootymcmuff.

CS: Well I was close! (table chuckles)

ME: heh okay what can I get you guys to drink?

everybody but CM orders water

CM: (In a slightly offended tone mixed with disbelief) “ONLY WATER!?!? Well I’m drinking Iced tea…sweet.”

She turns and looks at me with a smile that I can only describe as saccharine but in such a way that it is genuinely terrifying.

Like when someone is obviously extremely mad so the way they express that is by being really really sweet.

ME: Okay no problem!

I bet she didn’t want to go back.

I grab all of the drinks.

When I set down the drinks on the table, each time CS says “Thank you”, “you are wonderful” and so on.

I know that this seems very polite, but the way he said it was so enthusiastic that it was genuinely creepy. I felt uncomfortable.

ME: Are you guys ready to order?

No response. I stare awkwardly at them for a few minutes since this usually inspires someone to talk to me.

Nobody says a thing so I inform them that I will be back in a short while to give them some time.

Meanwhile, I am attending to other tables since I am the only server at the moment.

Every time I walk by this family, CS waves and smiles at me.

But alas, she had to eventually.

Now at this point, I have been waiting about 15 minutes for them to be ready to order. They seem to be talking about things other than pizza so I decide to approach.

ME: Are you guys ready, or would you like a few more minutes?

CM: She has a question

ED: Do you sell slices?

ME: We do, but not in (I get cut off)

ED: (annoyed) I can’t hear you!

Totally understandable since our music is kind of loud sometimes! I walk around to her side of the table, and talk to her personally.

This seems like something they should have discussed.

She is interested in one of our specialty pizzas.

ME: We do sell slices, but not in our specialty pizzas.

ED: Can we do a family special but choose a specialty pizza for an up charge? (A family special is a large two topping with a large salad and 4 drinks)

ME: I’m sorry, there is no way for me to substitute that in the computer, so it has to be a two topping pizza. If you wanted the specialty pizza, you would have to purchase the salad and drinks separately.

ED:(To mother in law) “She said we could do a specialty pizza in the family special, it will just be more money” (Yeah I didn’t say that) “but you guys don’t want three salads, do you? It would be cheaper to do it my way”

CM: What? No, that won’t work!

ED: (Getting choked up) Fine! You go a head and do whatever you want!

At this point, ED storms off to the single stall bathroom, crying (She ended up staying in there for at least 20 minutes).

I am still standing at the table with my pad of paper and pen just feeling awkward.

I stare for a minute and nobody is saying anything.

Her husband had her back.

The ED’s husband, who is sitting next to CM starts talking to her about the pizza ED wanted. We will call him MS (married son). I’m sorry if this is getting complicated!

MS: why don’t we just get the family specials like you wanted to?

CM: (Now in full on super saiyan saccharine mode) No, it is obvious that she is upset, so we will get her (ED) her OWN pizza and you two will take it home and have it there. (She is super angry, but smiling the whole time she says this.)

MS: Why don’t we get here a different size?

CM: We can’t, the specialty pizzas only come in a large.

ME: Actually, you can get them in small, medium or large!

MS: Well there you go mom, we will get her a small one.

Y’all, they still have not ordered.

I am so happy we are making leeway at this point, since I have not been standing at this table for a good 15 minutes, which is a long LONG time if you are serving.

CM: Okay, we will take a small specialty pizza, and two family specials.

At this point she stops ordering. Now, a family special comes with a large 2 topping pizza, but the customer has to choose the toppings they want.

I wait a moment, but it is clear she is done.

ME: What toppings would you like on those?

CM: Oh. (She looks at her family) What do you all want on your pizza?

Now this is the point where I try really hard to not let my jaw hang open in disbelief.

These people have had a collective time of 30 MINUTES to figure out what they want.

CM is a regular at our restaurant, so she knows how the special works.

I am assuming that it is the stress of the holidays and family tension that has her forgetting this.

Maybe it’s over.

They decide on toppings and most of the meal goes by without worry aside from a puffy, red faced ED continuing to argue with CM about the pizza deal even though she got the pizza she wanted, and CS reminding me and uncomfortable amount that I am incredible and fantastic for refilling drinks.

Might I add that they are literally 2 ft from the coke machine?

Nope, not over yet.

When they are almost done eating, CM stops me.

CM: Come here.

She motions with her hand for me to get my head closer to hers. I lean in as close as I want to. This is apparently not close enough for her.

CM: Come here!

She motions more frantically. I am close to her face and I feel like she wants to kiss me on the cheek. This is not a thing that I want, So I back away.

CM: NO! Come here! Come here!

At this point, the whole table is watching this. I lean down again because frankly, I have NO idea how to react to this.

I get so close to her face, that I can feel her tiny lady cheek hairs grazing mine, and my ear is dead even with her mouth.

She whispers in to my ear. “You are really pretty” and just backs away.

In my head I’m all “What the heck?” but outside I’m all smiles and “Thank you!” because customer service.

At the end of the meal, they all stand up to leave.

I am standing in front of them, and CS looks at me and the turns to CM and says loudly “She’s my new favorite!”

I told the kitchen staff and we laughed about how strange people are sometimes.

Y’all, I would have freaked out on the inside.

I wonder what Reddit makes of all this? Let’s find out.

Sometimes there are no words.

It’s hard to pick a worst part.

There’s no way out of the loop.

I’m sure that’s a story, too.

Like a goldfish.

Some people shouldn’t be allowed in public.

Unfortunately, there’s no way to stop them.

If you liked that post, check out this post about a rude customer who got exactly what they wanted in their pizza.