If you were pregnant and engaged, would you happily give your baby your partner’s last name, or would you want to pass down your last name to your child?

In this story, one pregnant mom has decided that she wants to give her baby her surname, but her fiance wants the baby to have his surname.

They can’t seem to reach an agreement.

Let’s read the whole story.

AITA for insisting that our baby takes my (25F) surname instead of my fiance’s (26M)?

Me (25F) and my fiance Arjun (26M) are currently 5 months along in our pregnancy with our unexpected, but very welcome, first child, a daughter.

Relevant to the story, I am white british and he is of Indian descent (3rd gen in UK).

We met 6 years ago at University on a group project, where we were sorted alphabetically by surname and the rest is history.

Obviously, I’m not going to put our actual surnames on the internet, but they are both 3 or more syllables and begin and end with the same letter/sound. For the sake of the post, say his is Mukherjee and mine is Mulvaney.

They disagree what which surname to give their daughter.

We have decided our daughter’s first and middle names and are looking at the surname situation, which has been heated.

I have always been resolute in keeping my surname, and while I always thought I would double barrel any kid’s names, given the similarity and length of our surnames, we both agree it would be really unfair for the kid as it would be a tongue twister that she would have to explain through school.

So, I suggested we use my surname as the surname and have his as a second middle name – basically on all important documentation so if he is taking her anywhere it’s easier/ won’t be called up on it.

Whilst he said the second middle name was a good idea, he was angry and upset that I want to use my surname, when passing the name down is something fathers do.

Here’s why she doesn’t want to give her daughter her husband to be’s surname.

Thing is, in my opinion, surnames are very linked to families and his family have made it clear that I am not welcome.

His parents, despite both being born in the UK, disagree with our relationship and want him to marry another person from his culture.

I have only met them about five times, due to how deeply unpleasant they are to me and he has a distant relationship to them too.

It’s a completely different situation with her family.

My parents and brother (24m) have been the ones to take us under their wings, be there for him and even offer up our home for a bit when he moved to our city.

He is super close to them, and my brother is one of his groomsmen in our wedding next year and I want to honour them by giving our surname to our child.

I want our daughter’s surname to represent a place where she, and both of her parents, are always welcome.

Here’s the latest argument.

He says I have a brother, who can carry on the family name whilst he has a sister who has already had kids.

And I retorted saying I don’t see why that duty should only be for men?

I said it’s not the middle ages anymore, and I am contributing as much money and time into our daughter, am growing and birthing her, and have a family who have supported our relationship and her unconditionally.

She’s not sure what to do.

It became a fight so I went to my parents’ (the next town over) where I am typing this now so we could have a breather.

They don’t know the situation.

I get that men have come to expect to have the surname, so I feel really guilty, but I want to carry mine on too.

Any advice is super appreciated, as I really don’t know what to do.

I can see both sides of this debate. What should she do?

Let’s see what advice Reddit has to offer.

This person agrees with not giving the baby both last names.

But this person encourages her to use both last names.

Here’s an interesting thought.

This is a very good point.

This is one time when they can’t just agree to disagree.

If you liked that story, check out this post about a group of employees who got together and why working from home was a good financial decision.