Imagine growing up with your mom and sister while you hardly ever see your dad.

If he tried to reconnect when you were older, but you thought his actions were pretty unfair to your sister, would you call him out on it or mind your own business?

In this story, one man is in that situation, and he calls his dad out on it. It all started when he, his sister and his dad were planning to take a trip together, but then the plans changed in ways the son found unfair.

Let’s read the whole story.

AITA for calling out my dad after he excluded his grandkids from a trip, then changed plans to visit his girlfriend’s nephews and their kids instead?

My parents divorced when I (48M) was less than a year old.

I spent time with my dad growing up, but it was a few days per month at best and we never developed a strong bond.

As adults, my sister and I have had an off-and-on relationship with him, and he’s had very little to do with my kids or my sister’s.

They are still open to being closer with their dad.

My dad’s current wife is in a care facility with Alzheimer’s, and he’s been dating someone for a while now.

The situation…

A few months ago, he reached out to plan a weekend trip to the Grand Canyon with me, my sister, our spouses, and his girlfriend , so we could all get to know her.

We’re always hopeful that maybe someday our relationship will improve, so we were open to it.

But their dad was a little bit too strict about who could and could not go.

When my sister asked if she could bring her teenage son (his grandson), my dad explicitly said no, he wanted it to be adults only.

That was disappointing, especially considering he hasn’t seen his grandkids in over 8 years, and we haven’t all gotten together as a family in even longer.

As a result, my sister chose not to go.

I was still planning to attend, even though I was disappointed.

The trip is off.

Then he changed the plans entirely.

Instead of the Grand Canyon trip, he decided to visit Debbie’s nephew and their kids in the same city where I live.

He texted me to let me know they’d be in town and hoped to get dinner with me and my wife, and maybe golf with the nephew.

He told his dad how the change in plans might rub his sister the wrong way.

I responded with the following:

“I’ll admit, I’m a bit surprised by the change in plans. You weren’t willing to adjust things to include your grandkids, who you haven’t seen in years and might not have another chance to see for many more. But you were willing to adjust them to visit [his girlfriend] family. I think it’s worth considering how that might feel to [sisters name] too. Maybe think about how you plan to tell her that because I think it comes with some sting.

That said, your new plans sound reasonable, and I’ll make myself available for dinner while you’re here. Let me know what night you’re thinking. Golf could also be fun, so keep me posted on that as well.”

The dad claims he’s misunderstood.

He replied saying “Wow [my name]! I did not expect that response,” and told me I had misunderstood everything. He justified the exclusion of the grandkids by saying, “Where do you stop with that?” and listed out the names of all the grandkids as if including any of them was opening a floodgate.

Then he said [my sisters] decision to back out changed everything, and they decided to visit me and [dads girlfriends] nephew in the same trip.

He ended with, “Be careful about drawing conclusions without all the information.”

A few days later, he sent another message saying my comments stung him and that the whole thing felt uncomfortable now.

He then canceled the trip entirely and said maybe we could try again another year, possibly with the grandkids included next time.

His dad claims to still be thinking about his situation.

Months later, he emailed me again.

He said he thinks about what I said “daily,” and that my words were “harsh.” He explained the logistics and intentions behind the trip again and implied that since he was paying, he had the right to define who was included.

For what it’s worth, I’ve never asked him to pay for anything I’m financially independent. In fact when he suggested he was paying for the trip I told him no and that I’d cover my families expenses.

He’s not sure if he should respond.

I’ve always just wanted some kind of relationship.

I’m debating whether or not to respond to his latest message, but I also feel like I’m constantly the one making emotional space for him, and it’s draining.

AITA for pointing out the contradiction and saying how it felt? Have I been harsh? AITA?

It definitely sounds draining. Unfortunately, his dad doesn’t see how his actions look to those around him, and he also doesn’t seem to care.

Let’s see how Reddit reacted to this story.

This really bothers me too.

Here’s another vote to write off the dad.

Life would be less stressful without the dad’s drama.

This is a good question.

This person would not hold back.

His dad clearly doesn’t really care about him or his sister.

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