Sometimes, trying to please family means losing sight of what really matters.

So, what would you do if your mom expected you to buy fancy shoes for her casual wedding, even though you couldn’t afford them and didn’t see the point?

Would you find a way to make her happy? Or would you insist on wearing boots that you already have, even though she already said no?

In the following story, one daughter deals with this exact scenario and is looking for advice.

Here’s what’s going on.

WIBTA If I wore boots to my Ma’s wedding?

I, 23F, am my mom’s (45F) Maid of Honour (MOH) and the only member of her wedding party. Her fiancé (50s,M) has his son as his Best Man (BM). The current conflict is about Mom’s 4th wedding.

At her 3rd, when I was 13, she borrowed a dress for me from a friend. I couldn’t try it on and… it didn’t fit.

She spent the whole day mad at me because the hairstylist ran over and tried to force me into a SILK dress 2 sizes too small. I ended up in a cute dress with black florals. That set her off, and she was upset abt it for YEARS.

We haven’t always had a good relationship, as you can see. But since her divorce from no.3, she’s been calmer, more open, and tries her best. We were able to patch things up and have been good for years. Well, until now, at least.

Her mother found one thing after another to complain about.

I happily accepted the MOH position and was told the colours and dress code are casual—jeans and a tee. I found a formal dress that suited me, and she approved of the style of it.

When it got here, all I heard was how it didn’t fit properly. So, I tailored it by hand (which took hours and lots of needle pokes).

Then her complaint was that I would look prettier than her. Mind you, she was sent pics for approval throughout it all.

Then we get to the shoes. It’s pertinent to say that I am heavily anti-consumerism. I may no longer dress “punk,” but I have been alt by mindset since I was 13. I taught myself to sew, to mend, to cobble shoes back together.. I am also poor. Like, ***** broke.

Here’s where they stopped seeing eye-to-eye.

I asked her, since my dress is floor length and even a tad long on me, if I could just wear my new pair of combat boots. I take good care of them, polishing the leather and all.

I told her I can’t afford to buy $30+ formal shoes, and I kind of hate the way they look. I also limit myself to one new pair a year, and I keep it utilitarian. I’ve got my combat boots, light-coloured street trainers, and athletic trainers. That’s it. But my main point is that I don’t go to fancy events. I’d be buying shoes to wear once.

Her response was to just buy thrifted shoes. I literally don’t have a spare penny, and it would be unnecessarily wasteful of resources, that I don’t even have, to buy them and then toss them, and I couldn’t return shoes worn to an outdoor wedding.

She gets her mother’s point, but that doesn’t change anything.

My nana says she wouldn’t buy any shoes with my mother’s attitude being how it is, and I joked I’d lace them with ribbon to be “fancy.”

But I get it, she wants the photos to look nice, and in her mind, that wouldn’t be any of the shoes I own. She’s been cold to me, constantly crying about how much stress she’s under and implying that I’m causing more with my shoe dilemma… but I wonder who’s gonna be looking at me or my feet on HER day.

I don’t know what to do. Should I wear what I have and face her wrath, or go without essentials to buy something I’ll never use again?

AITA?

Eek! This sounds like a very stressful situation to be in.

Let’s see what advice the readers over at Reddit have to give.

Here’s someone who thinks she just drop out.

This reader sees no problem with boots under a long dress.

These are good suggestions.

This is excellent advice for dressing the boots up.

They need to talk. Unfortunately, someone is going to have to give in. Maybe it should be her, since it’s her mother’s wedding day and all.

If you thought that was an interesting story, check out what happened when a family gave their in-laws a free place to stay in exchange for babysitting, but things changed when they don’t hold up their end of the bargain.