It’s hard to celebrate a win when the person who’s hurt you most wants to share the spotlight.

So, what would you do if your father, who’s battled addiction and strained every relationship in your family, wanted to come to your college graduation? Would you invite him because he’s your father? Or would you stand your ground and refuse to let him attend?

In the following story, one young lady is in this exact scenario and is leaning toward the latter. Here’s what’s going on.

WIBTA if I didn’t invite my dad to my college graduation?

I, 22f, am considering not letting my dad come to my graduation next year. My mom died when I was young, and my dad has had some issues with substance abuse.

Because of that, I lived with my grandparents my whole life (my dad lived with us off and on, too). I don’t want to say my dad was never there, but I will say my grandma did most of the work. My grandma passed away during my sophomore year of college.

She was the glue to our family and the peacekeeper between my dad and grandpa (dad’s stepdad). They have never really gotten along because they are both stubborn and think they are always right.

Her dad and her grandpa are completely different people.

After she died, things got bad quickly. My dad got kicked out a few months after the funeral because they got into a huge fight. Because of the character limit, I can’t get into details, but I will say, I don’t think either of them is entirely right, but they’re both justified in their anger.

I’ve asked them both to keep me out of it, and my grandpa has respected that, but my dad hasn’t.

My dad has relapsed a few times since all this went down, which has caused him to treat me pretty badly. He’s taken money from me, lied to me, constantly played the victim, etc.

Even though she knew better, she still let him borrow the car.

Meanwhile, grandpa has let me live with him rent-free while in school and supported me financially and emotionally. He’s like my best friend.

My other grandpa (dad’s dad) passed away a few months ago. He had given me his car when I started college because he couldn’t drive it.

He lived in a city a few hours away from mine, and when he passed, my dad said he needed to use it for a week to make arrangements over there. I was hesitant because the last time I let him borrow my car, he lied to me about where he was taking it, and my radio was broken when I got it back.

I let him borrow it anyways. He kept making excuses for him to keep my car longer and longer, but eventually gave it back to me after 2 1/2 weeks. Come to find out later, he was driving my car with no license because it was suspended, and no arrangements seemed to be made.

Now, he’s trying to make amends with her via Facebook posts.

Ever since then, my contact with him has been limited. He’s moved away and claimed he is now sober, but now lives hours away with no job, no car, and may lose the house.

He is trying to mend things, but with very minimal effort. He posts about his sobriety journey on Facebook, tagging me, admitting wrongdoing, but it feels very performative because that level of effort is not made to me directly.

My Grandpa is coming to my graduation ceremony, along with some of my family, and is hosting a graduation party the day after.

Here’s where she’s at with it all.

He says my dad is not welcome to the party since it’s at his house (I understand). He doesn’t really care if he comes to my graduation. He says it’s my day, and he can just sit separately.

However, my dad can’t seem to get along with anyone. He also doesn’t get along with my Godmother and has picked fights with a lot of people over the years.

I don’t want to hurt my dad. I do love him, but I don’t want the drama. I’ve worked hard for this.

AITA?

Wow! Her dad sounds like a complete mess.

Let’s see what the readers over at Reddit have to say about this issue.

It seems like this person has been through something similar.

For this reader, the dad’s “effort” isn’t worth it.

Here’s someone who doesn’t think she should trust him.

As this comment points out, it’s her special day.

She should listen to her gut. It sounds like he would do nothing but make the day all about him.

If you liked that post, check out this story about a customer who insists that their credit card works, and finds out that isn’t the case.