If you were engaged to someone whose brother’s family was in a tight spot financially, would you help them out whenever possible, or would you mind your own business?

In this story, one woman is in that situation, and she has looked for every opportunity possible to be generous, but now she’s realizing her generosity is actually upsetting them.

Let’s read the whole story.

WIBTA for asking my future brother-in-law and his wife to return an expensive gift I gave them after they limit contact with me?

I (35F) have been with my partner, Jamie (33M), for over six years and we’re getting married this fall.

For most of our relationship, I’ve had a close bond with his brother, Matt (37M), and Matt’s wife, Claire (39F).

We’ve shared holidays, dinners, hangouts, and I’ve always done what I could to support them, especially during hard times (I am the primary source of income).

She really is generous.

About two months ago, I bought a new car and offered them my old car ($6.5k).

It was still in good working condition and they accepted it so I fully transferred it over to them.

It was a genuine gift, from a place of love and support, and I was happy to help because they relied 100% on public transportation.

Over the past years, I also gave small things, like household items, groceries, things for their kid… all meant kindly, never with any expectations.

Claire doesn’t like being a charity case.

But now things have shifted.

Claire recently initiated a conversation where she said the gifts and emotional support I offered had felt “too much, overwhelming” etc., and even went as far as saying she felt I was using them to fulfill my own emotional needs. She said she no longer feels comfortable around me and wants to limit contact (i.e. don’t text them unless they text first) and “slow down”.

This completely blindsided me!

I was never given any indication before that she felt this way.

Claire can’t seem to take a joke either.

One example Claire brought up really confused me.

They have a shy cat, Shadow, who hides whenever we visit. We’ve never seen her in person and it became a running joke between me and Jamie that she “might not actually exist”; a reference to the M&M Christmas commercial (“He does exist!”).

Claire said she found that joke offensive, like we were mocking a traumatized animal.

That felt like a major overreaction to something lighthearted and affectionate.

She thinks Claire is being pretty hypocritical.

Now here’s the part that’s really been weighing on me: Claire and Matt have made it clear they don’t want any more gifts or support and that our relationship needs distance.

Gifts for their kid are okay. And they’re still happy to keep the car I gave them… something that came from a time when our relationship was close, warm, and mutual.

To be clear, I haven’t asked for the car back. But I’ve been thinking about sending a message, not demanding anything, but pointing out the emotional disconnect: that they’ve rejected ongoing support, suggested past support was not genuine yet have no issue keeping such a significant gift: the car.

I want to ask them to reflect on what that means.

She doesn’t want to make things worse.

Jamie is supportive of whatever decision I make, but he’s worried this might further rupture things with his family.

His mom also relies on Matt and Claire for transportation to our wedding, and he’s concerned that asking for the car back… or even just bringing it up… might make that more complicated.

So… WIBTA for wanting to ask them to reflect on this? Or even possibly asking for the car back?

It might be best just to limit contact, stop helping, and let them keep the car so it doesn’t cause drama right before the wedding.

Let’s see what Reddit suggests.

Backing off would be the respectful thing to do.

She might need to think about her attitude.

Here’s the perspective of someone who was given a lot of generous gifts from a friend.

Everyone thinks she should let them keep the car.

Once you’ve given a gift, you can’t ask for it back.

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