This visually impaired woman knows from experience that lighting can make or break her ability to function—especially at the dinner table.

She usually plans ahead, asks for accommodations, and manages well when her needs are understood. But at a family Christmas dinner, the lighting setup made it nearly impossible for her to see or safely eat her food.

What followed wasn’t solutions, but misunderstandings that quickly became overwhelming.

AITA for leaving Christmas dinner because I couldn’t see my food?

For context: I’m visually impaired (severely sight impaired, but not completely blind).

One thing people often don’t understand is that lighting and shadows can affect me more than my underlying eye condition.

In certain conditions, I can technically see something but can’t actually function, especially at tables.

Sounds difficult!

This situation has happened before, fairly frequently, usually when we’re out for meals. Because of that, I research restaurants in advance and, if I’m booking, I ask for a well-lit table.

Me and some other VI friends go out for meals all the time and find if we make our needs clear we’re accommodated well 99% of the time.

At Christmas dinner with family, we were seated close together in the conservatory with yellow-toned overhead lighting that wasn’t great.

Uh oh.

If I sat back from my plate, I could see what was on it, but I couldn’t reach it properly to eat.

When I leaned forward to eat, my head blocked the light and cast a shadow over the plate, meaning I couldn’t see what I was eating. My depth perception is very hit-or-miss, and shadows appear much darker to me than they do to most people.

After a while of not eating, I was asked if I was alright and why I wasn’t eating. I kept saying I was sorry but that I couldn’t see my food.

Hard to enjoy it when you can’t even see it.

Family members responded by offering to put more of certain items on my plate so I’d “know what was there”, or by commenting to my mother about how nice the food was, as if I was actually trying to criticise it.

That wasn’t the case at all and I’m unsure how they came to such a conclusion. (I am however autistic and may have misinterpreted that).

The more I tried to explain, the more it seemed to be interpreted as me being difficult, which wasn’t my intention.

Oh brother.

We did briefly discuss some solutions although ultimately I just couldn’t eat. I started becoming quite overwhelmed by the whole thing, so I left the table to calm down. I haven’t been back downstairs since.

I know I’ll be asked about it tomorrow. I’d have thought that after 22 years, those around me would understand my needs at least somewhat better than they do.

They’re generally very good in public (aside from meals), but when the white cane is away and I’m at home, it feels like they see me differently.

How frustrating.

Citation to the above: Visual impairment is one of those disabilities that’s very difficult to understand if you aren’t VI yourself as most people rely on their vision with little thought to it (why wouldn’t you!).

I’m not exactly annoyed at my family or angry at anyone…

Just wanted to see if my actions made me TA?

As the pressure and confusion mounted, she stepped away to regulate rather than escalate.

Now she’s left wondering whether leaving the table was unfair, or simply the only way to cope when her needs weren’t being heard.

This person, as many, votes NTA.

This person has a visual disability too and completely gets it.

And this person has a similar friend and would NEVER treat them like this.

Sometimes walking away isn’t rude, it’s what happens when accessibility gets mistaken for attitude.

If you thought that was an interesting story, check this one out about a man who created a points system for his inheritance, and a family friend ends up getting almost all of it.