A couple agreed months ago to let their MIL’s struggling friend stay with them around Christmas.

But after hearing how the friend reacted to losing financial help from MIL (and receiving some oddly hinting texts that sounded suspiciously like requests for money) they’re uneasy.

The stay now falls during a hectic week when they won’t be home, and they’re questioning whether honoring the offer is still a good idea.

WIBTA for retracting an offer for a friend to stay with us

A couple of months ago, a family friend asked if she could stay with my husband and I (28 M&F) for a few days before and after Christmas, because our house is convenient to the airport.

I’ll call this friend “Ann,” and she’s in her 60s. Initially we said yes, but we’d like to retract because of some intervening circumstances.

My MIL has been friends with Ann for almost 30 years. Through a combo of bad luck and bad decisions, Ann has no savings or retirement. Her only asset is a house, with a mortgage.

My MIL has helped her out over the years with credit card payments and co-signs on leases and loans.

This is getting juicy already.

Last winter, Ann even moved in with my MIL so she could rent out her own house for income. This seemed like a symbiotic solution at first, because my MIL is going through a tough divorce.

Two weeks ago, MIL told us that she’s starting to feel used. In two separate but related conversations, my MIL told Ann (1) that she could no longer provide direct financial assistance to her, and a few days later that (2) she and her ex had decided it was best for them to sell their home instead of one of them keeping it, and Ann would have to find a new living situation when they sold.

Ann was, I think understandably, stressed out by this but she handled it badly, and exacerbated my MIL’s feelings of being used.

Yikes.

Here’s where my husband and I come into the conflict. After years of school and internships, I recently started a high-paying job as a corporate real estate attorney.

After the convo with my MIL, Ann asked me if I knew any lawyers who could help her with evicting her tenant (long story) for free. I said I didn’t, but offered several low-cost or free legal services she could try to utilize.

Ann didn’t like this response and was very negative about each option, continuously stating that she didn’t have the resources she needed and needed help, even though I had recommended several resources that could help her.

Just trying to help…

Later, when I showed the texts to my husband, he thought these texts were a veiled request for money. Re-reading them, it does kind of seem that way.

Now, Ann has asked about the specific dates she wants to stay with us. They fall on a busy week when we won’t really be home much.

Between the fight with MIL and the weird texts, I feel uncomfy about the whole situation and don’t know if I want her hanging out at the house while we’re gone.

Understandable…

But we did say she could stay, earlier.

WIBTA for retracting?

We would use our busy schedule as justification to avoid bringing up more conflict.

Most readers felt that circumstances changed enough to justify reconsidering, especially when boundaries are already being tested.

This person has the perfect way to put it.

This person says your home, your rules. 

And this person says sure, it’s kind of an AH move, but that’s 100% justified in this situation.

No one faults hosts for closing their doors when the guest list starts to feel like a GoFundMe.

If you thought that was an interesting story, check out what happened when a family gave their in-laws a free place to stay in exchange for babysitting, but things changed when they don’t hold up their end of the bargain.