Imagine having an elderly father who is pretty much okay on his own but is pretty lonely. If you lived nearby, would you visit him often and spend time with him?

Would you be annoyed if that burden fell entirely on you, and your sibling made excuses to stay away?

In this story, one woman is in a situation like this where she lives closer to her dad than her sister. The big problem at the moment is Christmas and where their dad is going to spend Christmas.

Let’s read the whole story.

AITA for caring about my dad’s comfort and well-being?

I, 44F have been taking care of my elderly dad (78) since my mum died 2 years ago.

My dad lives in a town an hour drive from the city I live in. Fortunately he is fully capable of taking care of himself at this point, but he is very lonely and basically doesn’t talk F2F to anyone except for me and my wife when we visit.

He also has been diabetic for 40 years and his health declines visibly month after month.

I have a sister – Jamie (51F) who moved away to a remote location with her husband 5 years ago. Her contact with dad is limited to calls and 2-3 visits a year. It’s around 5 hour drive, but neither she nor my BIL drive long distance, so it takes a whole day to make the trip.

Here’s how they used to and currently celebrate Christmas.

When my mum was alive, she had cancer, but always made effort to host Xmas. My wife and I visited each time either for 24th or 25th – alternating between our 2 families, while my sister stayed with BIL each time.

When my mum died – Jamie decided she will take dad for the holidays, didn’t invite me, didn’t ask if I was cool with it.

I said, fine, dad misses her, I will oblige.

I drove him there and back just to make him happy.

This year, her sister wanted to do things a little bit differently.

A year ago, I asked them both what the plan was, and again drove my dad and they had their Xmas together.

This year dad wanted to visit Jamie, I said I will take him, but since I work all till 25th – I can only take him on Sunday.

My sister texted me, that she thinks dad is fully capable to commute by himself – train-train-bus-bus for 8 hours.

I responded that I really do not think that a 78year old man, with 2healthy daughters should make such solo trip, so either I drive him on Sunday, or she can come to him and make the trip with him later that week. Otherwise – I don’t think it’s safe.

Dad admitted that he didn’t feel up to that either.

She’s pretty frustrated with her sister.

And here’s some background – my dad lately admitted that he got lost on the cemetery he visits daily, his sugar often drops without reason and he needs help.

My sister said, that dad was a burden on her last 2 years, her husband has trouble with people around the house, so it’s best if I take dad this time.

And something broke in me – I told her she’s selfish. That it was her choice to move away to the middle of nowhere when mum was sick and needed help, all for no other reason than to try rural life, it was her who left me with mum dying, because she didn’t feel the need to come and say goodbye. And now she thinks she can somehow support him remotely

Her sister is pretty mad at her.

She is now mad at me, keeps bothering me with e-mails of how much she had done and I don’t respect her contribution.

Dad will spend holidays with me and my wife’s family, I rented a room for him, so that he can get some alone time from people and will do everything I can to make him comfortable

I feel that I have 0 support from my sister and at this point don’t even want to respond to her numerous messages.

so AITA that I felt offended she treated our dad like a bag of potatoes and risked the sisterly “relationship” by saying harshly what I feel?

I feel bad for the dad. His life sounds pretty sad and lonely. I hope the sisters can stop fighting, especially at Christmas.

Let’s see what Reddit has to say about this story.

This person encourages her to simply enjoy Christmas with her dad.

This person can relate to this situation.

Here is some more advice.

Here’s another vote for enjoying Christmas with her dad.

If her sister doesn’t want to spend time with their dad, that’s her loss.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.