The birthday of someone you love can be as exciting – if not more so – than your own birthday when you’re an adult.

That’s because there’s a certain, incomparable joy in treating those people, seeing a smile on their face, and celebrating them.

But in doing so, it’s important to consider them, and what they might want, rather than romanticising moments or trying to deliver what you would want.

The fiancé of the woman in this story has made the rookie mistake of giving her a birthday that he would love, without taking her circumstances and anxieties into account.

Read on to find out what happened, and why his reaction was a problem.

AITA because I didn’t have a reaction?

I am a 24-year-old woman, and my fiancé is 28 and male.

Recently, for my birthday, my fiancé decided decided that to get a hotel room for me so that we could sit and relax.

I personally wouldn’t have gotten it on my own for that reason, but I’m not going to stop him from doing what he wants to do for me.

But this was not quite the relaxing trip that her fiancé had planned.

It took over an hour of driving through a mild snowstorm to get here and I honestly just wanted to decompress.

So we get to the room, and it’s decorated. And as I’m turning around to thank him for putting the effort in, he’s recording me.

Now, I’m EXTREMELY self conscious about my appearance. I had no make up on, no cute clothes, and I was exhausted from driving – I’m was not in the mood to be recorded.

Let’s see how she reacted to him recording.

So instead of telling him thank you like I was going to, I asked “why are you recording me?”

That ruined everything for him, and now he has an attitude because I didn’t react how he wanted me to. I feel like he doesn’t understand it from my perspective. I was in my most vulnerable state only to have a camera shoved in my face.

Now I feel bad because I made him upset. Am I wrong for not having the reaction he wanted?

AITA?

Sure it was her birthday, and sure he made plans, but that doesn’t mean that everything has to be smoothly and as he pictured.

In fact, if they’re going to settle into a comfortable married relationship, he needs to learn that there are bumps along the way and life together isn’t perfect – it’s how you get through that together that matters.

Moreover, he perhaps needs to learn a bit more about his fiancée, and give her a birthday she actually wants, not one that he thinks would be nice.

Let’s see what folks on Reddit thought about this.

This person agreed that he’d planned a birthday that he’d like, not one for her.

While others thought his recording had only selfish motives.

Meanwhile, this Redditor validated her emotions.

When you do something nice for someone, you do it for them, not for your own gratification. Sure it feels nice when they are happy and it’s because of something you’ve done, but it should be an inherently selfless act.

This guy either simply wanted to be praised and thanked for everything he’d done, or he couldn’t handle that his fiancée had emotions of her own – and neither is particularly good in an adult relationship.

She’s completely justified to feel however she feels, and she shouldn’t have to feel ‘on’ and video ready at every moment, especially with her partner, with whom she should be able to relax.

He needs to work on his emotional maturity.

If you liked that story, read this one about grandparents who set up a college fund for their grandkid because his parents won’t, but then his parents want to use the money to cover sibling’s medical expenses.