Imagine growing up when your parents can’t afford to buy you any Christmas presents, but instead of going without, they sign you up for Angel Tree. Would you be happy with any gift at all, or would you be really disappointed if the gifts were nothing like what you actually asked for?

In this story, one woman was in this situation, and she was very disappointed with the gifts. Now that she’s an adult, she has vowed to do things differently, but her in-laws think there’s a different lesson to learn.

Let’s read the whole story.

AITAH for making my ILs feel judged about their Angel Tree purchases?

Let me start with some context. Growing up my family and I weren’t rich but we made do.

Then in the space of a couple of months my dad was diagnosed with bone cancer and I started having heart trouble which led to heart failure.

My dad couldn’t work and mom had no choice but to and she made significantly less than him and was not educated beyond high school.

So for three Christmas’ me and my siblings were Angel Tree kids because our parents couldn’t afford presents for us.

Christmas was rough.

Each of the three years I watched as my siblings got at least some of what they had asked for while I never got a single item I asked for.

Two of the three years I got socks and clothes only and thrift store clothes at that, with the labels still attached.

The one year I got a toy it was a tiny little stuffed dog that was quite possibly from the thrift store too. It’s ear was already falling off.

My parents still feel guilty about it today because even when we weren’t rich we always found a way to make sure everyone got something they really wanted for Christmas.

Her parents wanted to make things fair.

I think for my parents it was worse that it was me because of my heart.

So we were never on Angel Trees again and my parents sacrificed even more to get us all something we’d each like for Christmas after that.

Christmas was smaller, a lot smaller, but they didn’t want a repeat of other years.

She wants Angel Tree kids to get what they actually ask for.

My experience of being an Angel Tree kid being what it was made me more determined to stick to the list the kids write.

I reach for what I can afford and get what they want and I am passionate about not teaching kids a lesson for wanting a Barbie instead of a generic doll or asking for a PlayStation controller and giving them a fake controller meant for really young kids.

Nobody forces us to pick the tag. And kids asking for lots of stuff or more expensive stuff just want to fit in and loads don’t ask for expensive things. I didn’t.

I’ve been doing at least one Angel Tree kid every year since I turned 18. My husband and I do them together now.

Here’s where we get to the real problem.

His family started doing them 3 or 4 years ago to follow us. Which I thought was nice.

But unfortunately they’re the people who pick tags and complain about kids wanting something expensive or something “not for poor kids” and they throw together stuff that isn’t on the kids’ wish lists.

My husband told them before they should leave it alone if they don’t want to get kids what they want.

They told him they’re doing their part and teaching the art of generosity and appreciation.

Her face showed her true feelings.

This year they started super early and we were over at MIL and FILs house while his siblings and parents were organizing their gift piles to the tags.

I said nothing but MIL, FIL and SIL said my face said everything my words didn’t and they felt judged by me.

They told me they were doing something a lot don’t and how dare I come into their home and try to make them feel bad.

I told them that wasn’t my intention and I wasn’t saying anything.

They disagree about the lesson that should be learned from her experience.

Their response was I didn’t need to speak a single word and then they said that my past experiences should have made me appreciate kids getting anything at all.

My husband told them my past experiences should have made them more empathetic to the kids.

We left. His family are still angry and saying I tried to guilt them with my judgement.

AITAH?

It would probably be better for the in-laws not to participate in Angel Tree at all. OP knows first hand how these gifts are going to make the kids feel, and she doesn’t want them to feel disappointed on Christmas.

Let’s see how Reddit reacted to this story.

She did all she could do.

Here’s a suggestion of what to tell her in-laws.

Another person shares a story about Angel Tree.

This person calls the in-laws “selfish and self absorbed.”

Think of the Christmas magic!

The point is to make the kids happy not to disappoint them.

If you thought that was an interesting story, check this one out about a man who created a points system for his inheritance, and a family friend ends up getting almost all of it.