What would you do if your partner seemed to be sympathizing with a coworker’s woes… But maybe a bit too much?

In a woman’s case, she shares how odd it was for her to see her boyfriend cry over a coworker who is a woman who, allegedly, is being treated unfairly by other coworkers.

Would this be a red flag or a green flag for you?

Let’s read the whole story.

AITA for calling my bf absurd for being overly concerned about a coworker?

I (27, F) have been with my boyfriend (29, M) for about two years. He works in tech. I do not, so I am only hearing this second hand.

Recently he started talking about a woman he works with.

He went on and on about how people at his company treat her unfairly and assume she is incompetent.

He kept saying she is extremely smart and great to work with and that everyone else just “doesn’t see it.”

There’s a good reason why he’s upset.

He then told me about a situation involving a code review.

From what I understood, multiple people questioned or criticized her code, and according to him they were all wrong and she was right.

He said later it was proven she had done the correct thing.

While telling me this, he actually started crying. Like tears and a shaking voice.

This weirded her out.

I honestly did not know how to react. It felt absurd.

This is a tech company, there are multiple engineers reviewing code.

It is really hard for me to believe that several people were all wrong and only he was right, especially when I am only hearing his version.

It feels more likely that the situation was more nuanced than “everyone else assumed she was stupid.”

She’s concerned about their relationship now.

I also found it concerning how emotionally invested he is in this woman’s career.

He talks about her like he is her personal defender.

I get feeling bad if someone is treated unfairly, but crying over a coworker’s code review feels excessive to me.

It also does not help that this woman has a solid job in tech and probably makes more money than I do, so it is hard for me to see her as some helpless victim yet he says she should be leveled higher.

She was honest about how she felt.

I told him that I thought he was being dramatic and that it made me uncomfortable how intensely he was reacting.

I also said that if multiple people on his team questioned her work, they probably were not all acting out of bias and that maybe he is not seeing the full picture.

He got very upset and accused me of being uncaring.

Now he is hurt and says I do not respect his values.

I feel like he is projecting and getting way too emotionally involved with a coworker.

AITA?

Even if she felt weird about it, he was being vulnerable about an unfair situation at work and she acted like it was all in his head. That’s toxic.

Let’s see how Reddit reacted to this.

This person thinks she should see it differently.

Another reader called her out.

Food for thought.

A bit of tough love is sometimes needed.

She should have asked him more questions if she found his reaction “absurd”.

But his concern is probably a green flag.

If you enjoyed that story, read this one about a mom who was forced to bring her three kids with her to apply for government benefits, but ended up getting the job of her dreams.