It is really great when you have extended family who love your child and want to be a part of their life.

What would you do, however, if your brother-in-law was trying to come along on a trip to Disney for your daughter’s birthday even though you want it to be immediate family only?

That’s the situation the mom in this story is in, and while she doesn’t have a good reason not to invite him, she would rather it only be her, her husband, and their daughter.

AITAH for telling my brother in law he can’t come to Disneyland with my family?

The BIL (Jim) in question is the husband of my sister, Sally. Jim and Sally have a 7 year old daughter, Daisy.

This can make many things more difficult.

Daisy was born with a neurological disorder that is pretty severe. She is non verbal, experiences developmental delays, and is unable to walk or take care of herself physically.

This has been hard on Jim and Sally, completely understandably.

How unfortunate.

Me and my husband have a daughter, Poppy (5). Sally and I have had a more distant relationship since she was born, because Sally admitted she finds it hard to be around poppy as she is healthy and developing “normally”.

We were close as a foursome when poppy was a baby but since she was about 2 Sally has been quite absent. I don’t blame her for this at all, she has her hands full, I’m just saying this to point out that it’s not a case of us hanging out as one big family.

At least Jim is around.

But while Sally has been distant, Jim has been a really present uncle. He comes to Poppy’s ballet recitals, and has stepped in to give Poppy rides when my husband has been out of town and I’ve had a scheduling conflict with pick up or extracurriculars.

He’s chaperoned her birthday parties and even gotten tickets to things she’s liked over the years (it was ice shows for a while, the ballet, etc.).

Maybe he needs to back off a little bit.

There’s been moments where it’s been a bit annoying, Jim offering opinions on parenting or wanting to come over on weekends where it’s not even a family event, but generally, we’ve appreciated his involvement because I always envisaged extended family being active in Poppy’s life, that’s part of why we live close to family.

He’s a good guy and he gets on really well with my husband.

This is a good point of clarification.

I just want to add here, because I know that often on here people jump to the worst possible conclusion, Jim is a good guy and I have no worries about anything untoward happening.

He doesn’t shower poppy with gifts, or ask for alone time with her. She’s a precocious little girl who knows her boundaries and has very loose lips, can’t keep a secret from either me or my husband to save her life. It’s not a safety issue I’m concerned about here.

What a wonderful present.

But about a week ago I was talking to Jim casually about Poppy’s birthday (we’re doing a family dinner with aunts, uncles, and grandparents) and how we were thinking of taking her to Disneyland as one of her presents.

We’ve put it off this long because both my husband and I are really bad with crowds and lines, and actually aren’t big on kid stuff in general so this is kind of our worst nightmare, but Poppy’s best friend went last summer and she hasn’t stopped talking about it so it’s probably time to just suck it up and go.

This is a generous offer.

I joked about this to Jim and he floated the idea of him coming with us on the trip. He said he’d pay for himself of course but that way he could take Poppy on some of the rides and we’d be able to get a break.

I said no thanks, because as much as I love Jim I just don’t want to go on vacation with him (idk if maybe I’m being a bit of a jerk saying that?). Jim was kind of trying to convince me but eventually let up on it and we moved on in the conversation.

Wow, Jim must really want to go.

Sally later called me, which is unusual, I don’t hear from her much. She asked me if I would reconsider letting Jim come to Disneyland.

She said both she and Jim get extremely depressed about the parts of parenthood they’re missing out on, and it really helps Jim’s mental health to be a little bit a part of Poppy’s life.

I can understand why he would want this, but he shouldn’t overstep.

I know this to be true, Jim has said it. She said it’s not any cost to me to just let him come along and be an extra pair of hands, considering I’m dreading going anyway.

I said I just wanted this to trip to be the three of us and Sally asked why, and I don’t really have a good reason, I’ll admit.

Sometimes a family should do things together only as an immediate family.

She said Poppy loves Jim (she does, he’s a classic Fun Uncle) and this would be beneficial for everyone is he goes with us.

I felt like she kind of implied that having a connection to my family is part of the reason Jim is able to stay in his situation. I said I’d think about it.

Thinking it over isn’t a bad idea.

Then she went to my mom, who is now sort of on her side (she’s not pushing, just saying I should seriously consider it).

I know I don’t have a good reason for saying no, but I just don’t want him to come.

AITA?

There is nothing wrong with wanting to do a birthday trip for your daughter with just the immediate family. Maybe plan something else that Jim can come along on?

Read on to see what the people in the comments have to say.

Yup, she doesn’t need a reason for wanting to keep it immediate family only.

This commenter makes a good point.

There is nothing wrong with just wanting time with the immediate family.

This mom is entitled to her feelings.

Yup, they need to back off a little bit.

Family time means immediate family only.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.