Going low contact with a parent is a deeply personal decision and it’s not one people make lightly.

So when a woman who had spent years distancing herself from her narcissistic mother got publicly called out by a sibling on Facebook for blocking her, she didn’t back down.

She laid out exactly what reconciliation would require and made it clear the conversation was over.

Keep reading for the full story.

AITA for telling my sibling (who ive never met) to stay out of it?

My birth mom and I used to be really close, until I realized she was a narcissist and was becoming triggered by her presence.

We’ve been fairly low contact for a number of years, partially due to her being difficult to get a hold of, and partially due to me making a conscious decision to no longer reach out.

So in the wake of a family tragedy, drama with her birth mom was at an all-time high.

Last year, one of my siblings passed away, and she came to the funeral against our wishes and then threw a fit because I said she could come say hi to my infant, but was not allowed to hold him.

Apparently because he wouldn’t exist without her, she’s entitled to hold him. 🙄

That’s when things got even more complicated.

Fast forward to this year, I blocked her when she sent me a picture of something she got for my youngest because I didn’t want to know what it was and because I had a panic attack when I saw that she messaged me.

Someone made a post a few days later detailing their life story and everyone in the local FB group was harping on NBM saying it had to be her.

I commented and said that it wasn’t because it wasn’t her style of typing. (No capitalized words, no …)

Then a sibling butted in unsolicited.

Well one of my siblings jumped on me and said this:

“[This is your older sister on my fiancé’s Facebook] look I get our mother has made mistakes but to bash her in public like this when you have zero guts to say it to her face since you know you blocked her when she sent you a picture of the beautiful baby gift she BOUGHT you — (I was standing right there when she PAID for it) shows zero guts, honestly I’d rather hang out with her over you any day. At least she’s not cold, judgmental, bitter and unforgiving. FYI our mother and all of her children have really high IQs so she wouldn’t TYPE….like THIS, WOW”

So she decided she wasn’t going to tolerate this disrespect.

My response:

“I’m not bashing her and I have stated to her face that having interaction with her is not good for my mental health.

If she really truly cared, she would take accountability for the things that happened to our other siblings and I, while we were still under her care.

Maybe she doesn’t remember, but when met with those facts she chooses to deny and deflect rather than take ownership over it and validate our hurt.

I literally had a panic attack when I saw that she messaged me, so yes I chose to block her. And whether you believe it or not, that hurt too.

You know nothing about our relationship because guess what, you weren’t there. So kindly stay out of it.”

The sibling fires back.

Her response back:

“Just don’t think writing negative comments about her on Facebook or mocking her IQ is really solving anything.

Accepting a gift on behalf of her for your children doesn’t mean you need to grant her access to the child.

I remember the first day I saw our mother after a lot of years, I get the panic attack thing, I get we each have our own individual issues with our childhoods that none of us siblings could compare or understand but I do know I’ve done my best to forgive her based on the fact that she’s a human and we all make mistakes.

I’m not saying you have to be her best friend but it really hurt her too when you blocked her. She was young all those years ago, no it doesn’t make it right but she does know where she made mistakes and she is trying now.”

She reminds this sibling that she doesn’t need to explain herself to anyone.

My last response:

“I said nothing about her IQ. I’m not accepting any gifts for reasons I don’t need to explain. And no, you don’t get it. You never will, and that’s fine, but I’m not arguing about this with you any further. Not here, not anywhere.

Maybe, if she can consistently prove over a course of years, that she is going to therapy, and can take accountability without feeling the need to defend her actions (or lack thereof), then maybe one day I will consider speaking with my husband about giving her a chance. Until then, leave it alone.”

AITA?

Sounds like this family has some pretty big issues.

What did Reddit have to say?

This user doesn’t think her sibling’s message even deserved a response.

It’s very possible this sibling had a similarly bad childhood but is just responding to it in a different way.

Sometimes staying safe means setting strong boundaries.

At the end of the day, she shouldn’t have to apologize for doing what’s best for her family.

If you liked that story, read this one about grandparents who set up a college fund for their grandkid because his parents won’t, but then his parents want to use the money to cover sibling’s medical expenses.