When you are starting a new career, part of learning the job is learning about the work culture in your new office. Every job is a little different, and that is fine.

What would you do, however, if you found that your boss was always acting very weird around you and making what seemed to be inappropriate comments?

That is what is happening to the woman in this story, and she is wondering if the behavior is normal in certain industries.

In my opinion, whether it is common or not, it is inappropriate, and she needs to go to HR to get it stopped.

Keep reading for all the details..

Is this normal management behaviour in the civil service, or is this as unprofessional as it feels?

I’m looking for an outside perspective because I genuinely can’t tell if I’m overreacting or if my workplace is as strange as it feels.

I’m autistic and currently working in a Civil Service AO role. I’m normally very grounded, but my manager’s behaviour has been making me feel constantly on edge and even weirdly huge in my own body, despite being fit and healthy.

I can’t tell if this is a me‑problem or an environment problem.

Here are the things that are throwing me:

Ok, this is definitely weird. I can see how it would make you uncomfortable.

• She regularly scans my body up and down silently when I walk in. Focuses on my stomach hips and my thighs. I’ve seen her do this multiple times to me in 3 days now. It’s got that bad that I’m starting to see myself as bigger than I am. I’ve always been told I’m sporty/athletic but I’m starting to question myself now.
• ⁠⁠⁠Questions my lunch (What are you having for lunch today?) and goes silent/judging when I answer and then tells me she’s eating a salad. Obsessively talks about her diet but then goes out to Tesco to buy crisps/cakes. Slags off female celebrities appearances all the time and says “the only reason she’s got a good body is because she can afford to go to the gym and has the time”

The boss is definitely being inappropriate at work.

• ⁠⁠⁠Verbalises a desire to be ‘stick thin’ and projects body insecurity onto me. Says she used to be a size 4 and wants to be thin again. Comes into the office first thing in the morning and brags about how many calories she burnt in the gym and how sore her arms are.
• ⁠⁠⁠Threatened to slap a colleague across the face. When I intervened and questioned her she said “you’re mad.”

• ⁠⁠⁠She oscillates between forced friendliness and completely ignoring me for days while chatting normally to others especially other men.

Wow, this is awful.

• ⁠⁠⁠On my very first day of work she said “you’ve got beautiful eyes” and asked “do you have a boyfriend?”

• ⁠⁠⁠A legal advisor said to me “I think you’d make a good court assistant” and she interrupted him and said “I could do that job what does it pay and how do I apply?”

I’ve worked in a lot of places and never experienced anything like this.

If it is only a problem with her boss, she should talk to HR about it.

The lack of boundaries is exhausting, and I’m starting to question my own perception.

I’m planning to leave in a month, but I’d like to understand whether this behaviour is actually inappropriate or if I’m somehow misreading it.

Is this normal management behaviour in the civil service, or is this as unprofessional as it feels?

No, it is not normal behavior in any field. Even if it was normal, it wouldn’t be right. This person should really go talk to HR or another manager to try to get it to stop.

Read on to see what the people in the comments on Reddit have to say about the situation.

This person suggests just ignoring it until she moves to the new job.

Now this would be funny.

I agree with this commenter.

Make her endure the awkwardness.

I think the boss is insecure as well.

She should not have to endure this type of behavior from her boss. Just because she is another woman does not make this type of harassment excusable.

Her next step should be to talk to HR about the situation and get it documented. If she doesn’t do this, she won’t have anything she can do if things continue or even escalate.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a hotel guest who complained about noise from an event, then reported the employee who agreed with him.