Have you ever agreed to help someone and regretted it? Imagine a neighbor asking for your help, and you agree. What would you do if they kept asking for your help and expected you to keep saying yes? Would you be okay with that, or would you eventually want them to leave you alone?

In this story, one couple is in this situation. They don’t mind helping their elderly neighbor once in awhile, but it’s gotten to the point where she’s asking them for help every single day. They don’t want to make her mad at them, but they are sick of all of their free time going to helping her.

It’s a tricky situation.

Keep reading for all the details.

We started helping our elderly neighbour because she lives alone… now she expects hours of help every evening (and she’s close with out landlord)

My partner and I have been helping our elderly neighbour for about a year. She’s 85, lives alone, and doesn’t have family nearby.

At first she would ask for help every few weeks, things like picking up groceries or grabbing her mail.

We were happy to help and it felt like a normal “good neighbour” thing to do however lately, it has escalated a lot.

She’s taking up a lot of their time.

We live in a small 3 story block of units built in a way that everyone entering or leaving the property has to walk past her kitchen window. Because of that she always sees when we come home.

Lately she has started calling/texting us multiple times a day, usually within 10 minutes of us getting home from work. She recently got a new phone and struggles a lot with technology, so most of the calls are about issues with Wi-Fi, data, or her phone.

In the last week alone, either my partner or I have spent 1-2 hours with her almost every evening helping her with technical support.

We both work full time and it’s starting to seriously affect our evenings and home life.

Moving isn’t really an option.

One complication is that we’re renters in Australia, where the rental market is extremely difficult right now. The last time we had to move it took 4 months to get approved for a lease and we were briefly without housing.

This neighbour also happens to be very close with our landlord (who we’ve never met) and has a somewhat volatile personality. She’s had ongoing disputes with other neighbours and can react quite strongly when confronted or told “no.”

Another factor is that she does not have much money and currently cannot afford professional support services or paid help, which is part of why she has become so reliant on us.

We have looked into whether there are formal support services available to her, but because of her financial situation and reluctance to involve outside services, this hasn’t been a realistic option so far.

They’re not sure what to do.

We want to keep being supportive, but we can’t continue helping at this level every day and also don’t want to become her only lifeline

We genuinely want to handle this in a kind and respectful way, how do we set boundaries without making the situation worse for her or for us?

If anyone has dealt with a similar situation with an elderly neighbour or relative, what worked/didn’t work for you?

It’s kind of them to help their older neighbor, but it seems that she’s asking for too much help too often. How can they set boundaries without turning her into an enemy?

Let’s see what Reddit suggests.

This person offers advice on what to say to her.

Another person thinks it’s time to talk to the landlord.

This person believes she’s lonely.

Another person thinks she needs assisted living.

If the things she needs help with mainly involve technology, I don’t think that’s a reason to put someone in assisted living. I agree with the comments that suggest that the woman is probably lonely. Maybe she doesn’t have any family nearby or any friends or activities to keep her busy. It would be great if the couple could help her find a senior center to get involved in or perhaps there’s another neighbor who is also lonely and would appreciate the company.

Either way, they need to set boundaries. The more they give, the more she’ll take.