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If you listen to the stereotypes, your wedding day is supposed to be the happiest day of your life. Which is pretty sad, given that it is one single day, and most people live for decades after their wedding day – so let’s not believe that that one day is the pinnacle of life itself. Besides, your wedding day might be special and magical and all that, but the planning and preparations for that day? They’re some of the most stressful times that a lot of people – at least those who marry relatively young – will have been through in their lives.

That’s not to say that planning your perfect wedding day can’t be a joy. Because touring venues, trying cake flavours, sampling caterers, and trying on lots of beautiful dresses? There’s a lot to love about that. But the cost of a wedding (an elaborate one, or even a small one)? It can be extortionate. And trying to gather RSVPs, dietary requirements, and hotel reservations for tens or even hundreds of people? It’s quite the undertaking.

Nevertheless, the couple in this story are looking forward to their non-traditional wedding – but the groom’s family are extremely upset about some of the things they have planned.

Read on to find out more.

AITA for not having a church wedding and going child-free, and now considering skipping a family event after the fallout?

My fiancée (25, female) and I (27, male) are planning a small intimate wedding in January.

We’ve made two decisions that caused a family explosion.

The first is that we’re having a civil ceremony only, no church wedding. I’m not religious and neither is my fiancée.

The second is that we’re having a child-free wedding. My sister lives abroad and her husband won’t fly, so he’d stay home with their one year old, meaning she’d have to come alone or not at all.

Let’s see how both families are feeling about these choices.

I come from an Eastern European country but moved to the UK around fifteen years ago when I was a teenager. My parents can’t seem to grasp that I’ve developed more individualistic morals and not a fan of the typical grand religious Eastern European weddings.

I’ve also been a people pleaser to my family and attended a lot of family events out of obligation and to keep peace, and never really had a boundary set in place with my family.

My parents and sister called me and said I should be ashamed, that my fiancée is controlling me, and that they might attend for only five minutes.

My mum said the wedding has “zero value” without a church. My sister said she won’t come, and a lot of hurtful things have been said in response.

Uh-oh. Now, this is having repercussions that are affecting other events too.

Now, there’s a family event abroad where my sister lives in about two weeks which I have already booked to go to. But after everything that’s been said, I don’t want to attend – but I have this overwhelming sense of guilt that I’m a bad person if I don’t attend.

My fiancée feels unwelcome and unsafe. There’s been zero repair or apology from anyone, the atmosphere feels very tense, and I want to keep peace for me and my fiancé by not attending.

Am I wrong for the wedding decisions, and for considering skipping the trip?

AITA?

One thing that families need to get their heads around is that the decisions about the wedding are made by two people: the two folk who are actually getting married.

Sure, he might come from a religious background. But he gets to make his own choices now.

If his family don’t approve, they don’t have to attend – but being verbally abusive towards the couple is never the answer.

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Let’s see what folks on Reddit made of this.

This person agreed that their wedding was their wedding.

However, others could empathise with the family drama this would bring up.

Meanwhile, this Redditor encouraged him to keep standing up for himself.

Given that this guy openly admits that he has never really stood up for himself with his family, it’s understandable that his parents are accusing his fiancée of controlling him. But it’s very clear that these are his choices, and he’s finally standing up for what’s right for him. Kudos to him for that. There are too many stories of brides-to-be and their future mother-in-law butting heads because the groom refuses to stand up to either woman, so makes them fight things out amongst themselves. The fact that he’s not doing that is a good sign of his own growth and for the success of their marriage.

Because his future wife needs to know that her man is willing to stand up for her too – and he’s making it very clear that such is the case. They don’t want a religious wedding? They’re not having a religious wedding. They want a child-free wedding? They’re having a child-free wedding. Sure that might not be to traditional tastes, but that is the way it’s going to be. His family are going to have to accept it, or accept that their son and brother will be less a part of their family events going forward.

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Author

Kyra Piperides

Kyra Piperides, PhD | Contributing Science Writer

Dr. Kyra Piperides is a contributing writer for TwistedSifter, specializing in Science & Discovery. Holding a PhD in English with a dedicated focus on the intersections of science, politics, and literature, she brings over 12 years of professional writing and editorial expertise to her reporting.

Kyra possesses a highly authoritative background in academic publishing, having served as the editor of an academic journal for three years. She is also the published author of two books and numerous research-driven articles. At TwistedSifter, she leverages her rigorous academic background to translate complex scientific concepts, global tech innovations, and environmental breakthroughs into highly engaging, accessible narratives for a mainstream audience.

Based in the UK, Kyra is an avid backpacker who spends her free time immersing herself in different cultures across distant shores—a passion that brings a rich, global perspective to her writing about Earth and nature.

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