He Wanted His 30-Year-Old Brother to Become Independent—So He Started Cutting Off His Comforts
Pexels/Reddit
Watching someone refuse to help themselves gets harder when everyone else has to carry the weight.
One man is dealing with that after years of watching his 30-year-old brother avoid work and depend on the family.
Their financial situation has gotten so bad that three adults now share a one-bedroom apartment.
So, he started cutting back on things like Wi-Fi and told his brother he’ll eventually need to pay rent.
His aunt thinks he’s going too far, especially when he lies about why certain comforts disappear.
Read on to see who you agree with.
AITA for trying to force my 30-year-old brother to become independent?
My brother is 30 years old. He never went to college, never got his driver’s license, almost failed 12th grade, has only a high school diploma, and has barely worked.
He spent most of his adult life playing video games. He’s a bit socially awkward and may be on the autism spectrum, but he’s absolutely capable of going to college, learning a trade, or holding a job. In fact, he worked at Walmart for about a year before he stopped showing up and quit.
My dad and I have been carrying him for years. I constantly have to clean up after him, and it’s been exhausting.
The family has been through a lot.
Our family has gone through serious financial hardship. My dad lost our house after his business partner scammed him, and now the three of us live in a one-bedroom apartment. It’s so cramped that my dad sleeps at his office most nights. We’re barely staying afloat financially, and I contribute my share to help keep us going.
The reality is that my dad isn’t going to be able to support my brother forever. Since my dad has mostly given up trying to motivate him, I feel like someone has to. He’s my brother, and I don’t want to watch him waste the rest of his life.
To push him toward becoming independent, I’ve started charging him rent, with the money going to my dad once he has income.
Now, his aunt keeps saying he’s going about it wrong.
Since he quit Walmart and refuses to look for work, I’ve also done things like disconnect the Wi-Fi and tell him we couldn’t afford the bill, or say we couldn’t do Taco Tuesday because money was tight. While those statements aren’t entirely true, we are genuinely struggling financially, and I hoped removing some comforts would motivate him to get a job.
My goal isn’t to punish him or be cruel. I’m trying to get him to work, build a career, save money, contribute to the household, and prepare for a future where my dad can no longer support him.
My aunt says I shouldn’t lie to him or try to force him to change and that I should leave him alone. I understand her point, but I also don’t think ignoring the situation is helping anyone. I genuinely want my brother to become independent before it’s too late.
AITA?
Yikes! It definitely sounds like the brother needs some motivation.
Let’s take a look at what the fine folks over at Reddit think about what’s going on.
According to this reader, the brother needs a job.
Here’s an idea.
Sign up to get our BEST stories of the week straight to your inbox.
A little tough love won’t hurt him.
If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about an employee who ends up quitting over a dispute over bereavement leave.
It seems like he stays to help his dad.
He’s right that something needs to change.
His brother is 30, and their dad clearly can’t keep supporting him forever.
Still, lying to him about bills probably isn’t the best way to push him toward independence.
At this point, setting clear expectations about work and contributing to the household would probably do more good.
Enjoyed this story?
Sign up to get our BEST stories of the week straight to your inbox.
