Woman Just Wants To Avoid Drama, But Her Roommate Keeps Dragging Her Into One Conflict After Another
Shutterstock
Some people hate conflict and try to avoid it as much as possible, while others seem to thrive on it.
That is the case with the two roommates in this story, which has resulted in some very serious problems.
Read through the full story below and see who you think is in the right, and more importantly, what you think they should do.
Exhausting situation with roommate
I’ve been roommates with this girl, let’s call her S, for almost two years now.
Things usually start off well.
Everything was fine for the first year and a half. Things haven’t been quite the same since.
A little bit about me first. I’m a homebody through and through. I can go for long periods without talking to anyone and be perfectly fine. I don’t pick sides, I rarely get angry or complain, and I don’t play favorites.
Avoiding conflict is often the best option.
Most of all, I steer clear of conflict. And I’ve consistently communicated all of this to my roommate.
I hope I don’t come across as selfish, even though that’s what most people around me seem to think.
It never used to bother me because, honestly, what other people think is none of my business. But lately, it’s starting to become unbearable.
These two are incompatible right from the start.
S had needs that were almost completely opposite to what I could offer. She expected a kind of emotional exclusivity from me and would get visibly upset whenever I talked to people she didn’t like.
I’d already told her that I wasn’t going to stop talking to someone simply because she had a problem with them. She would ignore me the whole day if I sat with someone else in class.
People like this are emotionally exhausting.
And she’d expect me to prioritize her socially, which I did until recently. Sometimes she wouldn’t talk to me for days. I constantly felt like I was walking on eggshells, wondering what I might accidentally do next that would disappoint or upset her.
It’s not that I didn’t care about S. I did, for about a year or so. I didn’t particularly like her, but I didn’t dislike her either. Then, gradually, things started happening that changed how I felt.
Why would she do this type of thing?
For example, she threw away home-cooked food that my family had sent for both of us. I should probably have stopped sharing my food after it happened the first time, but I didn’t. Then she did it again. Needless to say, I was hurt, even though I still didn’t stop sharing.
Another time, I was sick after an exam and had nothing to eat. S was going out, so I asked her to bring me something, literally anything. She came back late that night after going to a restaurant with some of her other friends. She hadn’t brought me anything, and I ended up going to bed hungry.
The roommate is not going to like this.
I know these things might sound like nitpicking. She hasn’t done anything objectively terrible. But they still hurt when they happened, and I don’t think that hurt becomes invalid just because each incident, considered individually, wasn’t a huge deal.
Then we changed hostels, and I started getting close to another girl, let’s call her E, who lived in the adjacent room. We had a lot of common interests and started studying together.
You can’t get along with everyone.
That’s when things between S and me really started going downhill. Naturally, she didn’t like how close E and I were becoming. I explained that it was simply because we had a lot in common, but she didn’t really understand.
The truth is, I don’t think S and I could ever have had that kind of connection because our interests are so different. She makes misogynistic jokes, for instance, and I never told her that this was one of the reasons I felt we didn’t have much in common.
Why is she even asked to get involved here?
Recently, S and another girl, P, had a major fight. It started with some minor bickering in class, and somehow escalated to the point where I woke up to calls from P’s mother asking me about S. I had no idea how she even got my number, but I obviously didn’t tell her anything.
Later, P came to our room, and the two of them started screaming at each other. S asked me to take her side, and initially, I did. I told P off because I genuinely thought she was wrong for allowing the situation to escalate to that point, especially to the extent of involving her mother.
Of course, now they will both be mad at her.
But eventually, I told them both to leave me out of it and sort the issue out themselves. Honestly, who wants people screaming at each other in their own room?
And more importantly, I didn’t even know what had caused the fight in the first place. For all I knew, S could have said something that really upset P.
S did not like that at all. She was extremely upset that I didn’t continue supporting her.
She really needs to find a new roommate.
I had to leave that evening to run some errands, so before I left, I tried to intervene and got P to leave as quickly as possible. As soon as P left, S immediately called a guy from our class and started complaining about me instead of talking about the actual fight.
She told him that I was supposedly the person closest to her, yet I hadn’t supported her when she needed me.
What did her roommate expect her to do, exactly?
But I did support her. I did what I could. I intervened when things were getting out of hand. I just don’t think it was my responsibility to take sides in a conflict when I didn’t even know what had happened between them in the first place.
And even if I had known, is it really so terrible or selfish to choose not to get involved? I suspect S thinks it is.
We haven’t really spoken since that incident. It’s been almost two weeks now. She openly calls me selfish in front of other people and doesn’t seem to care much about my personal space; not that she did before, but it’s gotten worse now.
She is always the victim.
I’m constantly made to feel like I’m insensitive or somehow lacking empathy. She even once told me that I have a low EQ.
At the same time, she’s completely victimized herself. I’m always wrong in her story. She didn’t try to understand me even after I’ve told her that’s how I am several times.
Her roommate is the actual selfish one.
I realize ppl are allowed to get hurt by my behavior and personality and honestly, I don’t mind. People are entitled to the kind of friendships and relationships they think is right.
But why am I getting the short end of stick? If you’re allowed to want things a certain way, am I not allowed the same? Is it really so wrong to put my own peace first?
Never Miss a StorySign up to get our BEST stories of the week straight to your inbox.
She seems very reasonable.
I’m a very non-confrontational person. Conflict affects me physically: my heart rate shoots up and my chest starts hurting. That’s precisely why I try to stay away from unnecessary arguments and disagreements.
I don’t think that means I don’t care about people. I just don’t want to be responsible for managing every conflict around me, especially when doing so comes at the expense of my own peace.
Finding a new roommate seems like the best option. Or just ignore her.
Anyway, that’s all I wanted to get off my chest. What should I do? Should I just continue as I am?
Or am I really just a pathetic selfish person and fail to care about others?
It seems like these two just aren’t compatible, and that’s ok. They should just try to find a way to get other roommates before things get worse.
Read on to see what the people in the comments have to say about the situation.
That roommate does seem very annoying.
These two sound like they are in a toxic relationship.
This commenter says she is very similar.
If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a neighbor who keeps reporting a neighbor who is constantly parking in the handicapped spots.
Clingy people can be hard to deal with, that’s for sure.
She definitely seems clingy.
These two are a bad fit even without all the drama. It is time to find a new place to live. Unfortunately, that is easier said than done in many cases.
Enjoyed this story?
Sign up to get our BEST stories of the week straight to your inbox.
