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It is very common to become close friends with people you work with, and when they move on to another job, it is good to stay in touch.

What would you do if an old coworker/friend called you late at night, but you missed the call because you were sleeping, and when you texted the next day, she didn’t reply?

That is what happened to the guy in this story, so he was worried about her. He found out she was ok, but she still didn’t reply, and now he is upset and wants to reach out to her again.

In my opinion, she should reply, but he shouldn’t try to force it. Read through the full story below and see what you think.

AITA if I text this person back asking for an explanation?

Last night an ex-coworker (who quit my workplace over 6 months ago) called me twice at 11:30pm.

This has all the markings of a ‘drunk dial.’

I have not spoken to this person at all since they left my workplace. We got along very well, and she has messaged me before for advice during a medical emergency with one of her pets (I work/she worked at an animal hospital).

We have gone out together with other coworkers for drinks/dancing, but have never hung out one-on-one. I was asleep when she called and I have my ringer off at night, so I didn’t see that she had called me until later this morning.

He is quite concerned about her.

I sent her a message saying, “Hey! I just saw you called me last night, I have my ringer off at night and was asleep, so I’m sorry I missed it! Just want to make sure everything is okay.”

Heard nothing from her all day, and tonight after work I saw that she had read my message at 3:10pm but never responded. I was really worried, so I messaged another coworker who I know is still friends with her, and asked if she had heard from this person/knew if she was okay.

At least she is ok; that is good.

She said she had texted her on Saturday and knew she was at a show last night. But she also thought her calling me was really odd and she was worried too, so she called her (no response) and sent her a message.

Ex-coworker messaged her back 15 minutes later, and I was told that she said she was at work. I’m just kind of upset because I was really worried about this person all day.

It seems like she is embarrassed that she called at night.

And we got along really well while we worked together, so I understandably care about this person, and I would drop anything to help her if she really needed me.

So, I’m kind of hurt that she just left me on read after I sent her a message checking in, but she responded quickly to my coworker to let her know she was fine, but she still hasn’t responded to me.

He should just drop it and wait for her to reply.

And she has offered me no explanation for why she called me, let alone so late at night. I thought she may have called me accidentally, but I feel like that is less likely with her having called me twice.

Do I message her again? Or just let things be? I want to say something like, “Hey, I heard you messaged [other co-worker] back and I’m glad that you seem to be alright. I just want you to know that I was really worried about you today after not hearing from you, and just would have appreciated a message back letting me know that you were alright.”

She will get back to him when she is ready.

Is that okay? I’m a person who really struggles with setting my own boundaries and worrying about this person all day really took a toll on me.

So, do I message her? Am I wrong for wanting to express to her that she really put me through the wringer today emotionally?

AITA?

He is not wrong to be worried, but he doesn’t have any reason to try to force her to respond. He has reached out; now it is on her to reply to his message if she wants to.

Let’s see what the people in the comments have to say about it.

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Yup, this is it in a nutshell.

This person thinks calling her is a mistake.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a woman who escalates her issue to the state when a third family is added to a shared neighborhood well.

Here is someone who thinks she accidentally called him.

This commenter says that he should not send that follow-up text.

He already texted her back once; calling or texting again is a bad look.

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Author

Michael Levanduski

Senior Contributing Editor, Workplace & Community

Michael Levanduski is a veteran journalist and digital culture specialist with over 15 years of professional writing and research experience. While his background spans emerging technology and complex technical subjects, Michael specializes in analyzing workplace ethics, property disputes, and viral interpersonal dynamics across modern digital forums.

Since joining TwistedSifter in 2024, Michael has authored some of the publication’s most widely read coverage on corporate policy, malicious compliance, and neighborhood relations. Rather than simply aggregating online debates, he brings rigorous research, organizational context, and an empathetic editorial voice to everyday human dilemmas—transforming raw forum discussions into insightful, highly engaging narratives.

When he isn’t covering internet culture, Michael enjoys traveling, keeping up with tech trends, and spending time with his family. Connect with Michael on LinkedIn and Facebook.