Canva

Kindness does not always mean emotional closeness.

This teenager treats her blended household respectfully without feeling the family bond they expect.

Her father sees mixed signals. She sees basic decency.

Read the full breakdown below.

AITA for sending mixed signals by being nice to my dad’s wife and stepkids even though I don’t think of them as my family?

My dad got married to Jill 4 years ago when I (16f) was 12.

Jill has two daughters Amber (15f) and Lucy (10f) who were 11 and almost 6 at the time.

I met Jill, Amber and Lucy maybe 3ish weeks before dad moved them in. They were from out of town and dad and Jill had prioritized their relationship above time for all of us to get to know each other because they decided early that they would be together and get married regardless of how we each felt about it.

Her dad should’ve told her about the stepsisters earlier.

My mom died 7 years ago while Jill’s ex husband filed for divorce and moved out of the country (he was from England or Scotland).

Amber and Lucy don’t see or hear from their dad ever and I obviously can’t see or hear from my mom either.

Jill was able to get Amber and Lucy excited for what was to come. She told them a few months before we met and they thought it would be cool to have a third sister.

I found out about them a day before dad introduced us and from the moment he told me I was never like these will be my sisters or my mom. To me it was like dad’s going to have a bigger family. I never really thought of them being mine or felt like they were.

Her dad and Jill want her to think of both of them as her parents and her stepsisters as her sisters.

I’m nice to them. I was always nice. But I never said I had sisters and I didn’t call my dad and Jill my parents.

It was noticed, obviously, but other than comments that I should talk about them more so people knew they existed and that I should label them in a certain way there wasn’t a whole lot said for the first two years of their marriage about my relationship with them.

But then after two years and I still didn’t call them my parents or say Amber and Lucy were my sisters, my dad started telling me that it was about time I accepted them more and used family titles.

It happened after he got an email from one of my teachers addressed to my parent after I was asked by the teacher what was most appropriate to use and I said parent instead of parents (or guardian/guardians). And then for a homework assignment I wrote that I was an only child and that got attention from dad and Jill too.

They find it confusing that she’s nice.

A lot of stuff has been said in the last two years.

My dad has told me I need to get over my issues and embrace them.

And Jill has told me it makes her really sad when I don’t say parents even though she’s doing her best to be a good one to me.

Then a few weeks ago my dad decided we all need family therapy and in family therapy dad and Jill accused me of sending mixed signals because I’m nice to Jill and the girls but I still don’t think of them as my family. She said her girls didn’t know why I was nice but didn’t want them as my sisters and I should pick what I want.

Why can’t they be okay with her just being nice to them?

So then I asked if they’d rather I was a jerk to all three.

And dad said they wanted the option where I accept them as my family and treat them nicely but with love too. He said the indifference can be felt by everyone.

I said no to doing that.

And my dad said I can’t keep sending mixed signals.

Jill seems to want to replace her mom.

Jill said it’s so hard not to get hopeful when I’m nice and don’t treat her badly but don’t let her in either and she knows her girls want me as their sister so bad.

The girls told the therapist they thought we’d all be sisters but I never act like I am but then I’m nice and they want me to be.

My dad brought up how I always begged for siblings when I was younger and how I used to get excited to have a bigger family. He asked what changed.

This therapist sounds awesome.

The therapist actually answered before I could and reminded him I had lost my mom and that was often something that changed a kids foundation and could in some cases change wants for their family to grow.

And she explained it’s not always one way. Some kids love being only kids and lose a parent and wish for more so when their parent remarries they’ll accept any and others can be the opposite because they don’t feel they could connect on a sibling level with kids who don’t share the love and grief for the late parent.

Never Miss a Story

Sign up to get our BEST stories of the week straight to your inbox.

She even mentioned how some kids long for another mom or dad after loss and others can never see another person like that. She said there is no normal when it comes to grief and parent loss as a kid.

And then my dad and Jill brought it back to I’m sending mixed signals. Does that make me TA?

I’m sure the therapist would tell her that she didn’t do anything wrong. It’s nice that she’s nice. They can’t force her to think of her stepmom as her mom or her stepsisters as her sisters. They need to accept that.

Let’s see how Reddit reacted to this story.

They’re crazy for criticizing her for being polite.

Here’s a recommendation to prepare to move out.

She’s seriously NOT sending mixed signals.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a son who wants his deceased father’s car repaired, but insurance refuses to do it without his father’s consent.

Her stepfamily is expecting way too much.

The teenager treated her dad’s wife and children kindly but never viewed them as her mother and sisters.

Her therapist explained that grief and family bonds cannot be forced, so politeness was never a promise of deeper feelings.

Add TwistedSifter to your Google News Add us as a preferred source on Google

Author

Chris Allen