July 23, 2024 at 2:48 am

Her Neighbor Kept Bugging Her About Changes To Her Yard, So She Put A Stinky Compost Pile Right Next To Her Patio

by Matthew Gilligan

Source: Reddit/Unsplash/@sethcottle

Nosey neighbors are a recurring theme on Reddit and here’s another story for you to chew on!

And the end of this tale is oh-so-satisfying.

Don’t waste any more time!

Get started now!

Don’t like my shed? Try this…

“For nearly 10 years, my family has lived next door to a gentleman who lived alone. Ours is an historic neighborhood, double city lots, with lots of hedges, bushes and trees to provide privacy.

Also, I tend to be fairly easy-going about what others do on their own property. I really didn’t care when our neighbor began illegally storing his large “toys” in his backyard.

Due to the screening, I was the only neighbor who had to see his boats, ice house, teepee (yes, a full-sized authentic teepee – I never asked why he put one up). And so I never complained.

And when he turned his home into a duplex, without benefit of building permits or inspections, and in violation of current zoning, again I never complained.

Whatever…

I guessed he was now retired and needed the rent money. In any event, we’ve never had a problem with any of his tenants.

Similarly, we never heard a peep out of him regarding our property. Not that we had any code violations or anything, but we did have a yard full of loud children and dogs for many years.

And there was that one winter when we built a luge for the neighborhood kids that ran the entire fence line of our yards. Anyhoo…

Things were about to change…

Then our neighbor got a new girlfriend. I’m going to call my neighbor Dick. His girlfriend will hereinafter be referred to as “Martha”, as she was a Martha Stewart wannabe.

Martha quickly moved into my neighbor’s home, and began altering it as she saw fit. The first thing we noticed was that Dick’s neon sign collection was no longer visible through his windows. Ahh – those bygone bachelor days.

Then Dick’s backyard toys were all sold. No more carefree days spent fishing for Dick. I’m guessing the proceeds went to the new patio furniture that soon appeared.

Also, a second, new patio was built onto the side of the house, because the backyard patio got too much sun for Martha’s taste.

And since Martha didn’t want Dick’s cat spraying the new patio furniture, she made Dick give the cat away to his son.

This woman was ruthless.

That last one made me a little sad; the cat had been dumped in our neighborhood a few years back, and Dick had seemed happy to have his little friend.

But, again, not our business. Finally, new landscaping was installed throughout their backyard. That also made me sad because the historic plantings that helped make our neighborhood unique were ripped out and replaced with McMansion-style beds filled with wood shavings and Japanese maples.

If that was all Martha did, I’d have no real problem. If Dick was willing to put up with it, why should I care, right? But then she turned her attentions to our yard.

Hmmm…

First she asked us to replace the historic wire fencing between our yards. Dick offered to split the cost, so we agreed. The old fencing had seen better days and the new chain link fence was quickly hidden by ivy and lilac bushes. Good neighbors, OK?

Then Martha decided that we weren’t cleaning up after our dog quick enough and called out the compliance officer. In fact, we picked up after our dog daily – but at the end of each day, not after each dump. (That’s a personal ick-factor of mine. I can’t stand picking up warm poop.)

The compliance officer told Martha we hadn’t violated any laws while giving me a heads up on my new neighbor. Strike one.

A few weeks later, I had a knock at the front door. It was the landscaper who had done Dick’s yard. Martha had called them out to my address, without my knowledge or consent, to provide us with an estimate! Estimate for what, you ask?

Huh?

Well, Martha had suggestions for new flower beds, as well as some trees she thought I should remove because they cast too much shadow on the back half of her yard. These were two-story tall, 80+ year old oak trees!

I apologized to the landscaper and sent him on his way. And my husband grumbled to Dick that our yard was our business, not Martha’s. Strike two.

Finally, Martha decided our gardening shed, tucked behind our garage, had to go. I’ll admit, it was a rather utilitarian shed, but it was in good shape, fresh paint, and was heavily screened on all three sides by tall bushes.

In fact, I only learned about Martha’s complaint because I found a city inspector wandering around my yard looking for the shed.

Because of the way it was situated, the only way someone not actually in my house could see it was if they were hanging out Dick’s second-story bathroom window.

Good grief!

I kicked the inspector off my property, and called my councilman to put a stop to the city’s ‘partnership’ with Martha. It was then I found out why Martha wanted the shed gone.

Turns out, Martha really just wanted the screening bushes gone. She had plans for a third patio (!) and fire pit for the back half of Dick’s yard.

Martha was worried, however, that the heavy bushes on the back half of our yard were encouraging mosquitoes, and she and Dick wouldn’t be able to properly enjoy their evenings by the fire.

She figured that if she forced us to tear down our shed, we’d then also tear down the screening bushes, and her mosquito problem would be solved. Strike three, Martha, so time for some pro revenge.

Since we really didn’t use the shed any longer, we tore it down. We also removed the screening bushes. Then we watched Martha spend a few days harassing a couple of handymen who built her patio and fire pit.

It was snugged up right against our fence and looked really lovely. Then we decided that, as good citizens of planet Earth, we needed to be more environmentally proactive.

She wasn’t gonna like this…

So we installed a composting pile right where the shed and screening bushes had been located. After all, it’s at the back of our yard and tucked behind the garage, so it really doesn’t impact our enjoyment of our yard.

And now every evening, we take all our food scraps, potato peelings, coffee grounds, egg shells, watermelon rinds, etc., and add it to our large, healthy compost heap. Every month or so, we add some goat manure from our friend’s farm.

Turns out goat manure is a “can’t miss” addition for nitrogen-rich compost. Some shredded newspaper doesn’t really look good, but it does help balance the carbon content.

Late afternoons and early evenings, about whenever Martha lights a fire, really, one of us heads out to the composting and gives it a good turning.

After all, a well-aired compost heap is a happy compost heap. Dick and Martha never said anything, even though compost heaps do add to mosquito populations.”

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Another Reddit user had a different take…

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Honey, do you smell something?

If you liked this post, check out this story about an employee who got revenge on a co-worker who kept grading their work suspiciously low.