Parenting is a fraught experience no matter how you slice it.

When you’re raising kids who have been through serious trauma and grief in their young lives, complicated doesn’t even begin to describe it.

And yeah, a social worker would probably have some insight as to how to best deal with some of those situations, but not all of them

Find out what happened when two sisters disagree on how best to handle an issue with foster kids.

AITA for telling my sister that just because she’s a social worker it doesn’t mean she always knows what’s best for foster kids?

My sister (30s) is a social worker. My husband and I (30s) are foster parents.

We are currently long term foster parents (and possibly foster to adopt) for biological siblings.

Their kids’ older half-siblings aren’t interested in a relationship.

The siblings lost their sole parent a couple of years ago. They have half siblings from said parent who are much older, now adults to be exact.

Our foster kids miss their half siblings and have craved a relationship with them. But the half siblings have chosen not to have contact.

From the limited info we know about our foster kids lives before they came to live with us, any visits that were had while the half siblings were minors, it had to be forced on the older kids who did not wish to keep contact.

It’s been hard on their kids, losing contact.

This has been extremely difficult for our foster children and we have advocated for them to be in therapy, which luckily was approved and they go once a week.

But they often ask about and bring up their half siblings and beg for us to set up time for them to see them.

Her sister, a social worker, thinks she needs to force the issue.

My sister is aware of this and has spoken out to my husband and myself three different times about how we need to do more to ensure this relationship between siblings.

We have told her that’s not possible.

She told us we are failing our foster kids. She said we need to find out the info of these half siblings and fight for contact.

She told us we could bring it to court if we need to.

She’s told her there’s just really no way – or point – in doing that.

I reminded her that’s not something we can do.

She told me the kids will never see us as parents or want to be in our family if we keep them from their siblings.

And then she went on and about how important sibling relationships are and brought up the fact she’s a social worker and “she knows how these things work better than anyone in the family”.

Now, her sister is miffed that she’s dismissing her expertise.

I told her that just because she’s a social worker it doesn’t mean she always knows what’s best for foster kids.

I told her she also has no control over adult decisions that are made. Which is something she should know as a social worker.

She told me I should take her professional advice and stop invalidating her profession and experience like I did just there.

AITA?

Is she, though?

Reddit is going to sort this out!

This comment says the particulars of the case matter.

The courts can only do so much.

There is a bigger picture.

It doesn’t seem like her sister has much experience.

Sometimes the truth sets you free.

This is pretty presumptuous.

Even for an older sister.

If you liked that story, check out this post about a group of employees who got together and why working from home was a good financial decision.