Family guilt can show up fast when you refuse to do something they’ve already decided you should do.

So, what would you do if your family told you to take on a caregiving role you never agreed to? Would you step up and help anyway? Or would you set a boundary, even if it upset your family?

In today’s story, one man finds himself in this exact situation with his father. Here’s what happened.

AITA for refusing to be “voluntold” to sleep over and care for my grandma with dementia?

My grandma on my mother’s side has moderate dementia and is mostly bedridden.

For the past.. I [25 M] wanna say a year or so now, I’ve been helping take care of her every Sunday for about 8 hours. I get paid $100 for that day.

My girlfriend [23 F] (who works full-time) usually comes with me. She drives over Saturday night (which is about an hour drive), sleeps over, and then we wake up early to be there all day Sunday. After that, we drive over an hour back to her place. It’s a lot, and we’ve been doing it consistently.

Here’s where his dad laid it on him.

My dad is kind of the one running the whole thing. He hired a couple of family friends (who live nearby) to be at the house 24/7. They’re paid for their work, and they do the main day-to-day caregiving.

My windowed father also drops in several times a week to handle supplies, meds, check-ins, etc.—but he doesn’t stay overnight.

Now, those caregivers are taking a week or two off for a vacation. Instead of figuring out alternate professional coverage, my dad told me (didn’t ask) that I’d be sleeping over one of the weekend nights to help cover.

Honestly, he’s not comfortable with the whole situation.

My pregnant sister is doing another night. I said no right away, and both my dad and sister immediately started laying guilt on me: “Why not? It’s your grandma. We all have to do things we don’t want to do. I don’t want to either, but someone has to.”

I understand where they’re coming from. I really do. I already feel guilty because I see how much my dad is doing.

But I also feel like I’m already contributing every week, and I’m not a trained caregiver. Sleeping over alone with someone who has dementia is a whole different level of responsibility, physically and emotionally. It’s not something I feel safe or equipped to handle.

He’s not refusing to help but doesn’t want to do something he’s not prepared for.

Plus, I’ve started to wonder if a professional care facility might be a better long-term option. I know that sounds harsh—my grandma still remembers us and really enjoys it when we’re around—but this setup just doesn’t feel sustainable.

All in all, I’m very burnt out from doing this every weekend, and saying that out loud makes me feel like a bad person.

I’m not refusing to help at all, but I am setting a boundary when it comes to doing something I’m not comfortable or prepared for. But now I’m getting made to feel like I’m selfish or ungrateful.

AITA?

Yikes! This doesn’t sound very fun at all.

Let’s see what the people over at Reddit have to say.

This person offers some great insight.

For this reader, it’s the best thing for him and his grandma.

This reader is not wrong.

According to this person, she may need respite care.

His dad should listen. Having someone care for an elderly person when they are not equipped sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.

If you enjoyed that story, read this one about a mom who was forced to bring her three kids with her to apply for government benefits, but ended up getting the job of her dreams.