Would an unexpected expense throw you over the edge when dealing with family drama?

This situation with an aging parent navigating is quite a challenge and ultimately there’s no right way to handle it, just as long as you feel good about your own behavior at the end of the day.

Find out all the details in the story below.

AITA for asking siblings to cover aging father’s grocery run because of tight budget?

I am the youngest (F46) of 4 siblings (M49, F55, and F59) and our dad has been in failing health for a while including falls.

His first fall requiring medical attention was in January, and I took him to the ER.

In the time since, we’ve all been working on trying to get his house ready to sell and various medical things more recently to see about assisted living.

Family ties aren’t that strong.

I have distanced myself from our dad in the last year. He’s not a kind man.

Every one of us has expressed frustration dealing with him through this, and none of us has a loving history with him.

The way I’ve chosen to handle it is just go about the business of what needs to be done but maintain distance.

History with my brother is also not good – our other siblings have acknowledged how he’s pretty much always hated and picked on me, and we don’t speak outside of the absolutely necessary things.

And now the challenge arises…

Another fall requiring an ER trip happened last week, with my brother going with him.

Toward the end of the week, my brother asked if I could make a grocery run for our dad if he couldn’t figure out the apps for pickup or delivery, so that our dad wouldn’t have to risk falling at the grocery store (this has apparently happened a couple of times).

I contacted my dad for his grocery list, and he said it’d work better if I came out so he could show me what he needed, so I went to his house and got the grocery list together, went to the store he preferred to shop at and got everything, and went back.

When I got back, he noticed one item “wasn’t enough to get through the next day”, so I went and got the right size (another $20) and ran it back the next morning.

He had covered the initial grocery trip but didn’t offer to reimburse for this item and I didn’t want to look like a jerk asking about it.

Was that a mistake to not say something then?

Tuesday, I texted my siblings and asked if someone else could handle the next trip, explaining that because I’d absorbed some cost and my budget is too tight, I would really appreciate it and I’d be glad to talk through his needs with whoever was going.

My brother responded with a tirade about all of the expenses he’s incurred making trips out to mow, couldn’t believe my budget was that tight, and telling me I have “F’d up priorities”.

That was not time deliver that message…

I snapped back at him. I told him that it’s nothing to do with my priorities, which are none of his business anyway, and that my budget IS that tight. Also none of his business.

And I told him he could F his attitude.

AITA?

Our family has been so dysfunctional for so long, I can’t tell if I’ve been responding like an emotional teenager or if I’ve just been having my attempt at healthy boundaries pushed and I’ve reacted to that as a reasonable person would.

Dealing with family is especially difficult when there is money involved and figuring out who is responsible.

Let’s see what other commenters had to say about this story.

Another asks for more details to see if the angry response is warranted.

Here’s one who suggests how they could contribute in another way.

Finally, this commenter suggests to have an actual conversation about who’s responsible for what and get in agreement.

Family drama is such a bummer!

But it happens to the best of us.

If you liked that story, read this one about grandparents who set up a college fund for their grandkid because his parents won’t, but then his parents want to use the money to cover sibling’s medical expenses.