A lot changes in a family after a divorce, but when both parents agree to do what is best for the kids, it can work out fine.

What would you do if you made an agreement with your ex that neither of you would have new people meet the kids for a long time, but then your ex had a new guy over who met one of your kids?

That is what happened to the husband in this story, so he is upset, but his ex-wife is insisting that he is overreacting.

AITAH for asking my recent ex wife to keep a promise about a man in her house with my kids there?

Background, my ex and I have been separated for a few months.

It is good to maintain a civil relationship for the kids.

We’ve both been dating other people while maintaining a close dynamic for the sake of our kids and we’ve always gotten along well as friends.

We both have been avoiding letting the people we date meet our kids until we develop a close relationship with them. (We don’t want our kids meeting a revolving door of strangers).

Up until tonight, it hasn’t been an issue.

This seems like a good arrangement for everyone.

She dates when I have the kids, I date when she has the kids. Pretty simple.

Tonight she had the kids, she told me she was having a guy over that she is dating. She’s met the man exactly twice. Never spent the night with him. Definitely not in a relationship yet.  NBD, she can have over who she wants.

That was the agreement.

I told her I thought we discussed that she wouldn’t have new men over while our kids were there.

She said it would be while they were asleep. (Our kids wake up throughout all hours of the night so this didn’t make me feel better.)

Keeping strangers away from the kids is very reasonable.

I told her that I don’t care if she has men over on my weekends, I just don’t want it happening around my kids.

She said she heard me, understood me, and promised that he would not spend the night and contact to our kids wouldn’t happen.

So she lied (or at the least, was mistaken) on every point.

Anyway, I’ve since come to find out, not only did she let this man spend the night, but he had interactions with my son. Both of which was promised wouldn’t happen.

She tried to explain she didn’t feel comfortable having him drive home because it was so late and he was tired.

I maintain he is a grown man and whether she thinks he’s tired or not is not a valid reason to break a promise made to me as a fellow co-0parent.

He seems like he is being very reasonable.

I know I have no control who she has in her home, I have no say who she spends her time with. But I feel like if I was promised something, it should’ve been honored. I feel trust was broken and she’s insisting I’m over reacting.

I was promised she wouldn’t have new men over while our kids were there, just as I promised the same when it comes to women.

Even if my older kids never see the guy, I still feel lied too.

AITA?

They both made an agreement that was very reasonable, and she broke it. I don’t think there is anything he can do, but she was in the wrong to do this.

Let’s see what the people in the comments have to say about it.

This commenter says the guy could be dangerous.

Co-parenting will be a challenge.

This person says he is right, but can’t do anything.

Unfortunately, he can’t really do anything about it.

The age of the kids makes a big difference.

Sadly, this is entirely outside of his control.

If you liked that story, check out this post about an oblivious CEO who tells a web developer to “act his wage”… and it results in 30% of the workforce being laid off.