Some family visits remind you exactly why you moved far away in the first place.

When a remote worker visited her family for the first time in three years and spent the whole trip balancing work deadlines, rejected activity suggestions, and the memory of being shushed in the car, her mom saved the biggest emotional mind games for the last night.

Keep reading for the full story.

AITAH for putting my job first?

I’m 37F and work as an academic editor and proofreader — fully remote, which is a blessing — but in a very different timezone from my own, which is less ideal.

I haven’t visited my parents in 3 years. They live on the opposite end of the country, and I’m far too broke to fly over just for fun.

Every now and again, my parents will pay for my ticket and I visit for a week or so. I love them dearly, but I can’t stay longer or I’d go insane — I moved across the country for a reason.

So she starts describing the latest visit.

I told them well ahead of time that while my schedule is generously flexible, I still have to make sure all my deadlines are met.

Sometimes unplanned stuff pops up, or writers are late, or corrections are extensive.

They were all smiles and said it was fine, and that they missed me.

I haven’t seen them in 3 years, so I talked a lot catching up — especially on long car rides into town when they needed to run errands and attend a doctor’s appointment with my mom.

That’s when the cracks began to show.

On our way to that appointment, my dad and I were chatting, and my mom kept fiddling with the music volume.

I told him about the woes of my disobedient technology — including that my tablet had finally given up the ghost after an impressive 15 years, right when I’m getting old enough that a bigger screen is becoming a bit of a necessity. It was annoying, but I couldn’t be mad about it considering how long it had lasted.

On the way back — it was an hour and a half drive one-way, they live pretty far from big amenities — my mom made a comment that she had my dad in her ear from the side and me in her ear from behind, and she kept trying to turn the music up to hint to us to be quiet.

Not going to lie, folks — that hurt pretty bad.

This brought back some pretty terrible memories for her.

I spent my childhood with her talking over me, changing the subject, or telling me to stop talking. I had forgotten what it felt like to be so abruptly dismissed like that.

So after she said that, I did stop talking. To the point that she thought I had fallen asleep.

I was actually, quite annoyingly, crying — thinking and processing my feelings about it, because it brought up a lot of old hurt from childhood. But she didn’t notice that.

I know what she’s like, and she will never change. I know that, but it still seems to catch me off guard every single time she cuts me off and says I never stop talking.

But still, she tried to keep her head up for the rest of the visit.

Every day, I would spend the morning with them. Sometimes we went for breakfast, sometimes we stayed home.

We made bread together one morning. Lord, it was terrible — dense and dry and tasted like cement with raisins — but she was happy.

Her mom would lose her patience over the smallest things.

As the days went by, she got more and more upset that we weren’t eating it fast enough. She snapped at my dad for buying fresh cinnamon rolls when there was still a loaf of this bread left, so I ate it. I took slices and did my best so that she wouldn’t feel bad.

She kept calling me to do stuff, and I would help her and then go back to work.

On the day I was off, we went to a lovely hotel for brunch. She asked what I wanted to do, and I pointed out there were loads of activities — but since I also know that she can’t walk a lot since her hip replacement.

The problem was that the two of them didn’t seem to want to do any of the same things.

I suggested museums, a fishing village, a pretty famous little cake shop, the working harbour, and the old harbour.

I specifically mentioned the fossil museum, since it’s pretty famous in the area.

She scoffed and said she didn’t want to look at bones and amoebas, and that the harbour was just a bunch of rotting old boats.

We ended up not doing anything because there was nothing she wanted to do, and we went home.

She figured there must be something they could all do, but her mother continued to be difficult.

They live in a gorgeous tourist town on a lagoon, but she doesn’t want to walk, so we didn’t go to the beach. They live there, so they aren’t interested in visiting the shops or the boardwalk or the promenade.

My dad suggested spending an afternoon at the animal shelter to play with the dogs, because he knows I’m totally nuts for animals. My mom said that was depressing. We went home.

I sat with them for every meal and helped prepare all of them. I asked if they wanted to watch a movie or anything, but they just… sit there and watch the news.

This visit was also throwing off her whole work schedule.

So after a little bit, I would go back to work.

Not working for stretches during the day means I have to work into the night to get everything done, and more than once I finished around midnight.

Today — a week after I arrived — she finally couldn’t behave anymore.

Their communication was starting to go by the wayside.

She made supper and didn’t let me know it was ready. I went upstairs and found a plate sitting on the countertop. I heated it, ate, and went back to work.

Now, my mom used to collect stamps. She has a whole crate full of albums and some really neat collector’s editions. She asked me to help her get them online to sell.

I uploaded photos to marketplace and collector’s groups and told her that if we didn’t have any luck, I’d list the stuff on eBay.

I told her we probably needed more and better photos, and that I would take them and upload everything.

Since I said that, she’s been after me to do it. I told her I will definitely do it before I go.

Work stressed started to ramp up too.

Today has been a grind — papers are late, everything is flagging as AI-generated, and my boss is on my case about a side project as well.

My dad came into my room and said he suggested I get the photos done. I snapped a bit and told him that I will do it, but that my job that actually pays my bills comes first, and I’m only leaving in 2 days.

My mom came in a bit later and asked to talk.

Turns out, her mom has a list of complaints too.

She said she was hurt that I didn’t spend more time with them or say thank you for the meal — the one she didn’t call me for, which was also the only meal I didn’t help to prepare.

She said that after they paid to fly me out, I hadn’t spent more time keeping them company or doing some dishes to help my dad — who washes them obsessively as soon as a spoon lands in the sink. And that I just spent my time in the room, like an Airbnb or a tenant.

She said, “I asked you on the 4th of January to load the stamps on eBay. Have you not had the time since then?”

And I was so mad.

She thinks her mom is way out of line.

Because I’m doing her a favour, and here she is trying to guilt-trip me because I’m not doing it fast enough. Because I didn’t immediately drop everything to do what she wanted.

Because I’m sitting here at 10PM, waiting for a paper that is already late — one I will almost certainly have to rewrite chunks of because they flag as AI — and I don’t know when I’ll get to bed.

Because I know it’s emotional manipulation, but it still hurts, and I started crying.

She left.

Then her mother made matters even worse.

On her way out the door, she turned and said to me, “I ordered a tablet and accessories. It was supposed to be my thank you for doing the stamps for me.” And walked out.

And I feel awful — because I didn’t ask her for a new tablet. I didn’t ask her for anything for helping her.

But now I’m sitting here, crying, because I’m livid that she is holding a gift I didn’t ask for as emotional leverage.

It feels like nothing she does is ever good enough.

Because they’re upset that I didn’t “make more of an effort” to spend time with them, but neither of them made any effort to spend time with me. Not even to sit nearby while I work and just keep company.

Because every time I opened my mouth to speak, I remember what she said in the car.

Because every single thing I suggested doing, she shot down because she was tired, didn’t want to walk, didn’t want to do that thing.

It all took her back to the painful childhood she remembers all too well.

Because I know she wanted it to be a surprise, but she didn’t ask me what kind of tablet I need or would be interested in — and I’m thrown back to my childhood, where what I wanted never mattered. Just what I was given, and that I was ungrateful for not loving it.

She never suggested doing a craft together, even though we both adore making stuff. Or showing me what she learned on the piano since she started playing last year.

She thinks her parents aren’t owning up to the role they play in the arguments.

And I think to myself — why is it on me to come up with all the ideas and make all the effort? And why is it also my responsibility that they don’t want to do anything I suggested, but also my failure for not doing more?

She and my dad just sit in their La-Z-Boy chairs, watching news channels.

There’s also the matter of her forgotten medication.

And to top it all off, I forgot my meds at home, so I’m desperately trying to regulate my depressive episodes because I’m visiting family, dangit, and I can be okay for 10 days without pills.

So here I am, finally at a point where I can’t actually tell whether I could or should have handled all this better.

She’s beginning to remember why she visits them so seldomly.

I keep forgetting what they are like. I miss them, and I get so excited to see them — and every time, it’s like getting kicked in the chest.

I hate that they can make me cry so easily when I worked long and hard after I left home to scrape together my confidence and self-worth.

So AITA? I still have until Sunday morning if anyone has advice for me.

This sounds like a complete nightmare family visit.

What did Reddit have to say?

This user agrees this mother really ought to work on her communication.

Maybe work and family is just too much all at once.

Maybe a week is just too long to visit even the best parents.

Why not change the framing of her requests?

When your family behaves like this, maybe living as far away as possible is for the best.

If you thought that was an interesting story, check out what happened when a family gave their in-laws a free place to stay in exchange for babysitting, but things changed when they don’t hold up their end of the bargain.