Unless you were blessed with a surprise pregnancy, there was likely a moment when you (and your partner, if you chose to conceive in a relationship) decided that the time was right to become parents. That decision was probably made with many factors in mind, including financial stability, comfortable living conditions, emotional maturity and relationship stability. But one factor probably swayed you ahead of all others: the dream of a bundle of joy that you can watch grow up.

And sure this means supporting them in good times and bad, through the ups and downs of life. But when you were fantasising about what life would look like with your child – days out to the beach, family holiday seasons, waking up for chill weekends together – you probably didn’t spend too much time labouring over what the everyday would look like.

Because – while it’s undoubtedly a joy and a blessing in many ways – the monotonous everyday with a child, especially an infant, is gruelling. You are at their beck and call, responsible for their every need, no matter what you are doing or what time of the day or night it is. That can mean nights with very little sleep, days when you can barely spare a moment to have a shower or prepare a meal, where you become a vessel for your infant’s needs.

Sure it gets better, but it’s a difficult start – as the woman in this story has long found out.

So imagine her frustration when, after sleepless nights and 24/7 commitment to a newborn, her friend is going on about how magical and easy it is to be a new mom.

Read on to find out how she responded.

AITA for telling my mom friend that motherhood was never exhausting for her because her child is basically being raised by her mom?

I am a first-time mom with a six-month-old baby. One of my close friends is also a first time mother and her baby is eighteen months old.

My friend’s mom has been living with them since before the baby was born. In the entire eighteen months, she has only been away for about two months. She stays with them full time and helps with everything.

The baby has been sleeping with the grandmother from the day baby came home from hospital! My friend used to sleep with them initially, but now since she is working, her mom sleeps with the kid.

Right now my friend is back at work. On the days she works, she told me she leaves before the baby wakes up and comes back after the baby is already asleep. So on those days she doesn’t see the baby at all. Her mom handles the baby the entire time.

But for this new mom, life is very different.

For me, I’m currently on maternity leave. My in-laws helped us until my baby was about three months old, but since then it’s just me and my husband. My husband works, so most weekdays it’s just me with the baby until around 6pm.

Recently we all got together for supper: me, my husband, my friend, and her husband. We both put our babies to sleep. Her mom stayed in the room with her sleeping toddler, while my baby was in another room and I had to go in multiple times to rock/pat him back to sleep every sleep cycle.

After one of those rounds of rocking him, I came back to the table and the conversation was about how life has changed since becoming parents.

My friend said something along the lines of: “I never thought I would enjoy motherhood this much. Honestly this phase has been nothing but happiness for me.” Something in me just shifted when I heard that.

Yikes. Let’s see how this mom responded to her friend’s words.

I replied that while I’m extremely happy too, I’m also exhausted, overwhelmed, and sometimes feel helpless. I thought maybe that would make her realize that motherhood isn’t always sunshine and rainbows.

But then she said, “Really? I’ve honestly only felt happiness, even now.”

And before I could even think, my sleep-deprived brain blurted out: “That’s because your mom is raising your kid. You get the happy parts, she’s the one who’s exhausted.”

Uh-oh. Now she’s in a really sticky situation.

The moment I said it I realized it probably sounded harsh. She didn’t openly react much, but the vibe definitely changed. Since then they haven’t talked to us much.

I personally didn’t say it to hurt her; it just felt like stating the obvious in the moment. Also, hearing someone say motherhood is “only happiness” when you’re in the trenches of sleep deprivation can feel a bit invalidating.

My husband thinks I shouldn’t have said it and that it was rude. So now I’m wondering, was I wrong to say that? And if I am, should I apologise?

AITA?

It’s true that what she said wasn’t very tactful, but neither was what her friend said.

Motherhood is different for everyone, and it’s absolutely a lot better for the other woman who is letting the grandmother do most of the caring.

It’s no wonder her comment grated on the mom for whom motherhood is a 24/7 activity.

Let’s see what folks on Reddit made of this.

This person empathised with the full-time mom’s situation, despite being childfree.

And others thought that while she was a little tactless, she spoke the truth.

Meanwhile, this Redditor really felt for the grandmother too.

It’s no secret that having children is difficult. And for those who think that parenthood will be a walk in the park? They’re really going to struggle when they’re forced to face the music. It’s no wonder at all that the full-time mom was upset when she heard how wonderful and magical motherhood is from the lips of a woman who she can see isn’t having to face any of the drawbacks of being a mom.

Sure, the woman is lucky to have her mother there to care for the kid, and it’s really nice that she has the family structure to enable her to live her life like she did before she had kids. And there’s no reason to believe she meant to gloat about this – the comment was likely a naive one, made when she didn’t realise how much of a struggle having a child would be without her mother’s help.

But for the new mom who is having to do all the work, alone with her kid most of the day while her husband is at work, and then hear about the magic of motherhood from someone who isn’t going through a truly relentless ordeal? That must cut deep.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a woman who was stunned when her friends finally admitted the reason for their falling out.