Let’s be real: parenting is one of the hardest, if not the hardest job out there. Sure you’ve watched your parents, maybe even other parents parent, but until it’s your kid and you’ve been thrown in the deep end of trying to raise it, you never really truly know what you’re doing. And then, even decades in, you will probably find yourself feeling out of your depth over and over again, with only a vague idea and the love of your children to guide you. But when things get hard, you know you want to do your best for your family, and really, that’s all that matters.

The aunt in this story has watched on and played a supporting role as her sister dealt with the death of her first husband, with three young (at the time) children all grieving the loss of their father too. Now, nine years on, her sister is the mother to three teenagers; she has subsequently remarried, with the blended family now containing two younger kids too.

But not all has been smooth sailing, and some recent friction between the mother and her eldest son has her reeling. The aunt could see through exactly why the son was behaving the way he was, but when she pointed it out to her sister, she was made to regret opening her mouth.

Read on to find out what happened here.

AITA for interfering with my sister’s parenting and handling of her blended family?

My sister has three kids from her first marriage, Ryder (17, male), India (14, female) and Gray (13, male).

My sister lost her first husband nine years ago and remarried six years ago. Her husband came into the marriage with two of his own kids, Tasha (9, female) and Nate (7, male).

Ryder has always been a creative kid and he does a lot of sketches and drawings. He’s really good too.

Over the years he has grown so much and become good enough that he makes some money doing art for people online. He has also gifted some family members drawings.

But somehow, Ryder’s art has become a part of family controversy.

A few weeks ago, my sister was in the kids’ rooms and noticed that India and Gray had drawings from their brother. Some of them were drawings of the family as though their dad was still alive, others of them as siblings and some of them and their best friend(s).

She went into Ryder’s room and saw drawings of her late husband as well as more that Ryder drew of them all with his dad around. There were none of her husband or stepkids.

My sister asked India and Gray where those drawings came from and they said Ryder gave them as gifts for Christmas some years, and that he normally did that when it was just the three of them. They said they only decorated their rooms with them in the last few months.

My sister then confronted Ryder and asked why he was only gifting to his bio siblings and not his stepsiblings and why he didn’t ever draw the blended family.

Let’s see how Ryder responded to her questions.

He told her he didn’t want to draw the blended family, he wanted to draw his family.

She told him anyone looking at what he draws would think his dad was still alive.

He pointed out to he adds RIP somewhere on his dad when he draws him.

She told him it was still wrong and he should be doing more to include everyone in the drawings.

Ryder said he would never draw them, and the two fought.

She told him he better start drawing everyone “or else.”

And things haven’t been the same between the mom and her son since.

She came to my house a few days ago and told me all about it and how Ryder had been fighting with her ever since. She said she considered waiting for him to draw and making sure he included his stepdad and stepsiblings. She even considered taking away all his art supplies.

Over and over she told me that she wanted to get him to embrace the whole family in his art.

I couldn’t hold back from telling her she couldn’t, and shouldn’t, tell him what to draw. That his art is personal and he’s being discreet when he gives some to his siblings. I also pointed out he has a lot of stuff he draws and she should focus on being proud of how good he is instead of turning his art into a battle. I reminded her that he’s 17 and she won’t win the battle, she’ll simply push him away.

This is when she cut me off and told me I had no right to interfere in her parenting and blended family, and if I could not be supportive of her then I needed to shut my mouth. She ranted that I showed how little I care about the family and accused me of being a jerk.

AITA?

Ryder is lucky to have his aunt sticking up for him, because the way his mom is treating him is completely unfair.

Artists draw or paint whatever inspires them, and it’s clear that Ryder is not inspired to draw his blended family.

And why would he be, when it’s being forced into his face like this?

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a stepmom who says stepson isn’t doing enough, despite the fact that he’s working 12-hour shifts to pay for his own college.

Let’s see what folks on Reddit made of this.

This person agreed that the aunt’s heart is in the right place here.

While others thought the mom’s behaviour was really problematic.

Though this Redditor had a little sympathy for her.

The truth is, Ryder is probably still grieving not only his father but the family unit and the life they used to have. Because as the eldest child, he spent the longest time with his father, and though his grief should not be compared with that of his brother and sister, the lost has undoubtedly hit him hard. As the eldest child, he might also feel a responsibility to keep the family unit together in some way, with his art being a token of the family they used to have.

But getting mad at him for not drawing the new blended family, and then demanding that he draw everyone or else she’ll take his art supplies away? That’s horrendous parenting: she is showing herself to be completely blind to or uncaring about his feelings, and she’s treating him like a robot who should have simply accepted his new family as a replacement to the one he grew up with. That’s never going to work, and it’s no wonder they’re fighting. Because that’s the truth. It’s not the aunt who is uncaring about the family (despite what the mom seems to think, in her outbursts). It’s actually the children’s mother whose behaviour is suggesting she doesn’t care.

But the real question is, why is the mom so uncomfortable with her three kids remembering and memorialising their father. Should they simply forget he ever existed? Is that what she wants?

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a high school student whose manager insists on scheduling them during school hours.