Remember at high school, when some people’s friendships changed as often as their socks, and others started randomly not liking someone they’d been friends with for years, and it was the talk of the classroom? Thank goodness that changes when you become an adult, right? Because if you were part of those circles, it was devastating to suddenly find yourself with no friends, to watch as the people you thought were your closest buddies started shunning you for no apparent reason. Because of course they wouldn’t share the reason with you, that would be far too merciful – and it would require them actually having a reason.

But while adulthood might feel like a salvation from the pain and turmoil of your teenage years, age does not necessarily mean that moments like this are never going to happen again. Because it only takes one emotionally immature adult, or one disagreement between folk who aren’t interested in hearing the other out, to land you in a similar kind of situation – if you’re friends with that kind of person, that is. So, as the guy in this story found out, it’s worth choosing your people wisely, to avoid getting embroiled in teenage situations as a fully grown man.

Read on to find out what happened here.

Hostility from office building’s head of maintenance

Our office building’s head of maintenance is a fellow I’ve been acquainted with a little bit since he started working there. We’re both males, and now mature males. I’m in my late forties. He’s in his late thirties, though he looks like he could be older than me.

We became minimally friendly acquaintances. We both have partially the same ancestry, that bonded us just slightly. He and I have another common bond: we’re both seriously into health and fitness.

Over the years, we’ve been going through weight loss journeys. For the last three or four years, he and I happen to be among the fittest fellows in our office building.

He’s been with the company for about seventeen years now. He was a maintenance worker. Since four and a half years ago, he was promoted to Building Superintendent. We’ve remained on civil terms.

But there is plenty that is different between these two men too.

At times, when we briefly crossed paths, his eyes seemed fixed on me in a rather serious, no-nonsense way. I thought maybe it’s was simply how I carried myself and thought very little beyond that. Incidentally, I’m a little taller than him. I’m around 6′ while he’s 5′ 9″.

I’m not a showboater by any means; that’s more than can be said for him. He often swaggered around in a macho fashion. When he talks he sometimes sounds like he’s trying to sound like Robert DeNiro in Raging Bull. From the dribs and drabs we’ve spoken with each other, he’s revealed himself to be an intelligent and sophisticated fellow.

Someone I know showed me some photos from my co-worker’s instagram page – shirtless selfies of him showcasing and really showing off his physique. A year later (about two years ago), I told him that someone showed me some of his social media photos and I praised him for his results. I asked him if he was trying to pursue either acting or modeling: he said no. He was happy and pleased with my acknowledgement.

For a few months, we were ok with each other. Since his promotion to Superintendent, he and I have crossed paths at least once a week or every other week. By the way, there are one or two possibly small red flags. This fellow’s married, and he and his wife have two or three small sons. Also, in one of his Instagram photos, he was shirtless and lying on top of his bed, while he was holding one of his toddler sons. Seemed like a strange juxtaposition to me. However, I didn’t say anything to anyone.

And gradually, the vibe between these two acquaintances started to change.

One day in early December – almost two years ago – we were crossing paths, him going out, me heading in. He was rolling his head and flexing his shoulders to and fro, like a boxer in a ring trying to get ready – dressed in warm winter clothes of course. Somehow, it seemed like he was putting on a great big show, and instinctively I felt a little repulsed, however I didn’t judge him. I simply went on with my business.

Later that afternoon we crossed paths, he nodded to me and hurried away. I thought maybe I had offended him. I gave him some space. The week before Christmas, I emailed him from my office email to his, saying Merry Christmas. I did this with several other coworkers that I’m on cordial terms with. Everyone responded except the superintendent.

Then the next year, I got the impression that he wasn’t too happy with me. He and I saw each other less and less since. In spring, we crossed paths and asked him if he was unhappy or offended over me. He denied it and when I casually mentioned my holiday greeting email he said he must have missed it since he receives so many emails.

I gently pointed out to him that I had a read receipt on that email and added that he a knowledged having received it. He was taken aback. While we were talking, his eyes were locked onto mine. ​ I wasn’t telling him off. I was being civil, cordial, and gentle. We fist bumped each other and parted ways. I got into an elevator to go back up to my desk, and I was surprised to see him standing there with his head hanging down. I wasn’t trying to hurt him or make him feel bad, not at all.

Over time, things seem to have been getting worse.

Since then, we’ve seen less of each other. Months went by without us crossing paths. When I greet him or if he greets me, two-thirds of the time, he bristles and really tenses up. I’ve been giving him a wide berth since then, and there’s something I notice. Several times over the last two years, on break, I’ve seen him and other maintenance workers all talking together. In passing, I just quickly say hi. They all respond, except for the superintendent.

One third of the time, he’s civil. The last time we intersected and spoke was early December last year. I arrived to take an elevator and he came to use a freight elevator. He said hello with a really tense scowl. I calmly said hello back and went on my way. I have not spoken to him since.

Early this year, I went home early. He was standing by the freight elevator. He did not see me, but I saw him sulking, looking angry. I left him completely alone. Three weeks ago today, we crossed paths, when I headed home he was waiting for a bus and talking to another person. Still as I passed by, he was looking at me.

Last week, we barely crossed paths briefly. He came to wait for the bus, but he stood far away near the back of the line, but there was nobody else waiting. Seemed like he was afraid to risk possibly being anywhere near me. I can’t shake the fact that he’s apparently got some hostility or animosity towards me.

And this weird behaviour is making this guy quite uneasy.

To be clear, I didn’t want to be friends with him. I only wanted to get along. And for a little while, we did. I try to get along with all of my coworkers (and I get along with most of my building co-workers), that is until one of them shows me that they’re not willing to try to get along – that they’re not willing to try to do the same. Then I wash my hands of him/her.

I don’t intend to speak to this superintendent ever again. I am washing my hands of him, now and forever. One thing’s certain: no one can get along with everyone. There are some people you can never get along with – no matter what you do or say or ask. I know I’m better off steering clear of him and not speaking to him.

He strikes me as someone who wants to be the only star in the heavens. He behaves as though he shouldn’t have to exist sharing the heavens with other stars.

By the way, it seems the superintendent on occasion plays cat and mouse. Two or three times both last year and this year, he’s seen me from a sizeable distance and he talks out loud to his workers very loud so that I will hear. He seemed unwilling to acknowledge or engage, but he’s attempted to get my attention, albeit very obliquely.

Yikes. There’s no question that this is quite the weird situation between these two guys.

Maybe it is just that this guy isn’t particularly comfortable with people having an issue with him, or not understanding why things have turned sour.

But does anyone get an undercurrent of something else going on here?

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a man who stops speaking up in his Zoom meetings after getting constantly interrupted.

Let’s see what the Reddit community made of this.

This person thought that his behaviour towards the maintenance guy was quite immature.

However, others queried whether perhaps he had underlying feelings for the guy that he hadn’t admitted to himself.

Meanwhile, this Redditor thought that perhaps the maintenance guy didn’t like the assumptions that others were making about him.

One thing that we all have to accept in life is that not everyone will like us. And that’s fair, right? It’s absolutely their right not to like us, just as it’s our right not to like them. And sure, sometimes it hurts. If you really like someone, and they don’t like you it can feel quite painful, or even insulting. But if you keep searching you will find your people – people who you like, and who like you in return – and then all the folk who you didn’t really click with will be wisps in the smoke of your past.

Whether he has suppressed romantic feelings or some kind of undercurrent of jealousy for the maintenance guy or not, it’s clear that he’s not okay with not understanding why their acquaintanceship has gone sour. But it’s clear that the maintenance guy is a man of few words and doesn’t care to discuss this with him, so the healthiest thing to do would be to move on. He needs to focus on the people he does have a good relationship with, and accept the moments of awkwardness when he bumps into the maintenance guy. His mental health will thank him.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about an employee who just let clients complain after her boss refused to approve overtime.