Friendship Frustration: Woman Stops Making Plans After Being Ditched Twice
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Some friendships survive new relationships just fine. Others get slowly replaced by them, one canceled plan at a time.
One woman has spent the past year watching her best friend of three years consistently turn solo hangouts into group activities, show up unannounced with her boyfriend, or fill their rare one-on-one time with nonstop texting about him.
Twice in a row, she planned a craft night, bought wine and supplies both times, only to get canceled on last minute with excuses that turned out to be lies.
So when she finally declined a third invitation rather than risk wasting money again, her friend accused her of being disrespectful for doing the crafts with her own boyfriend instead of rescheduling.
Now she’s stuck defending a boundary that was completely earned.
Keep reading for the full story.
AITA for having a craft night with my bf after my friend bailed
Me and my best friend have known each other for 3 years.
About a year ago she met her boyfriend, and pretty much since then she will blow me off at every opportunity to spend time with him.
She lists several examples of this happening.
If we have plans together, she will ask if her boyfriend can come, or turn it into a couples thing by also inviting my boyfriend, or (most often) just show up with her boyfriend without telling me he’d be there.
It drives me crazy. Her boyfriend and my boyfriend were actually friends before we all met, so we do hang out in group settings a lot, but sometimes you just want some girl time.
Even when she does get one-on-one time with her friend, it’s rarely uninterrupted.
On the rare occasions she does hang out alone with me, she texts her boyfriend constantly, and if she’s not texting about him she is talking about him constantly.
I gave her grace when they first started dating because I’m aware of how much a new relationship changes your priorities.
But now, she’s starting to get fed up with it — and for good reason.
However, now they are a year in and nothing has changed.
They live in the same apartment, work together, and when they are not together they are on the phone with each other. All of this to say they spend pretty much 24/7 together.
I try to hang out with her one on one once every few weeks or so.
This now brings the story to the present day.
A few months ago I asked if she wanted to have a craft night at my apartment, I would get some wine and some activity for us to do.
She said yes. We set a date and time.
But soon enough, plans fall apart yet again.
The day of, I went to the store, got the wine, got the craft stuff, I’m headed home, and I get a text from her that says she doesn’t feel good and is gonna have to bail. Bad timing on her part, but oh well, what can I do about it.
So instead of just sitting alone drinking a bottle of wine, I do the craft I was supposed to do with her with my boyfriend.
She soon learns something very interesting.
My boyfriend talks to her boyfriend that night and checks up on my friend, and her boyfriend actually tells us she is fine and they are just watching a movie.
A month after that she goes out of her way to ask me if we can have a craft night since she missed the last one. I say yes, of course. We set a date and time.
Once again, she gets her hopes up only to be let down.
The day of, I go to the store, buy a bottle of wine, buy some craft stuff, head home, get all set up, and 20 minutes before it’s crafting time, she texts me and bails. This time her back just hurts too bad to go.
Well, she must not be telling her boyfriend her lies, because he tells my boyfriend they are actually going out that night.
So me and my boyfriend do a second craft night together.
So when her friend asks a third time, she decides to be honest.
A week ago she asks if I want to do another craft night. And I tell her I really don’t want to go and get all the stuff just for her to bail on me again. And she says it shouldn’t even matter because I do the crafts with my boyfriend, so it’s not a waste of money.
I tried to explain to her that it is more of a respect thing than anything, and if I knew I didn’t want to hang out the day of, I wouldn’t let you go spend money on an activity I had no intention of participating in.
Now the friend has a whole lot to say about the whole thing.
She tried to say I was in the wrong for doing all the crafts with my boyfriend instead of trying to reschedule with her. I then explained that it is almost impossible to do anything with her without her bailing to hang with her boyfriend.
Now she is mad at me. AITA?
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This friend really needs to get her act together.
What did Reddit think?
This woman has put in more than enough effort already so it’s time her friend start reciprocating.
True friends don’t behave this way.
Some friendships just outgrow themselves, and that might be the case here.
People like this really don’t deserve the benefit of the doubt.
Once is unfortunate, twice with matching lies is a pattern, and there’s nothing unreasonable about declining to participate in a third round of the same letdown.
If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a mom who wants her daughter to help pay for her own cell phone, but her daughter says she can’t force her to get a job.
The accusation that she’s disrespecting the friendship by doing the crafts with her boyfriend instead conveniently ignores that the actual disrespect started with two fabricated excuses used to bail on committed plans.
Spending the evening productively instead of sitting alone with wasted supplies wasn’t spiteful, it was the reasonable response to being stood up by someone who’d already proven she couldn’t be trusted to show up.
She’s not the AH for finally protecting her time, money, and patience from a friend who’s shown exactly what those plans are actually worth to her.
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