It is great when you and your neighbor can help each other with things that you would otherwise struggle with, but only if it is done in a healthy way.

What would you do if you lived next door to someone who had some serious mental health issues, and you had some serious physical health issues, so you often tried to help each other?

That is the situation that the woman in this story is in, but over time she has realized that her neighbor is quite toxic and the friendship really isn’t good for either of them. Unfortunately, she also doesn’t feel comfortable ending the relationship, so she doesn’t know what to do.

Ending a friendship is hard, especially when the person lives next door. For both of their sakes, however, she needs to find a way to do it. Read through the full story below and see what you think her next steps should be.

Unstable neighbor I befriended and the aftermath

For context: We have been on friendly terms for maybe a year now or more, she has stopped by to borrow paint brushes or just check in.

People with mental health issues can be difficult to get along with.

She’s helped me with a wound on my back after surgery a few months ago. (I’ve never visited her place). We’ve been “friendly” but she clearly has severe mental health issues that she’s oblivious to.

She has poor boundaries, flaky, self involved, explosive anger, and thinks the world revolves around her, doesn’t listen when I talk etc, so it’s my own fault for enlisting her help. But, obviously small signs escalated over time.

Finding a job you can do is challenging for many.

She is much older than me but more able bodied and semi retired. She works to supplement SSI, but has stated she missed alot of days before losing her part time job.

I have multiple chronic illnesses and am very disabled and don’t work or drive. Everytime she brought up needing money/a job while unknowingly telling her unreliability at showing up on a schedule due to some pain or other things I suggested side jobs where its more flexible and also offered to pay her to help me get organized and/or rides.

Making money deals with this neighbor is a mistake.

I usually pay uber. She would say she would pay, and then flake out and I quit asking and then she came to me asking because she needed money said she’d do $10 an hour right before I got paid and I didnt have money at the time, but I took her up on it.

After all, I still need the help and she she still needs the money. But, I didn’t get paid for a few days. The plan was for me to pay her to take me to housing and I’d get her cash from an atm on payday while we were out.

These two have poor communication skills.

When payday came she said she didn’t feel up to housing but would still take me to the atm. I logged the hours she worked and she thought it was more, so I paid her what she asked for.

One day while helping me there was a miscommunication about a screwdriver (small tools) she was placing under my bench seat. I asked her not to so that they remain accessable to me and she thought I was talking about a large power tool that she’d already placed there and I said was fine (I don’t use that anyway) and she lost her mind.

Why does she keep interacting with this woman?

She kept calling me a gaslighter and was fuming mad despite my saying repeatedly that’s not what I was talking about. She then rips the power tool out while screaming at me and proceeds to leave.

Then she messages me a few minutes after leaving saying “I just had to eat, I’ll come back.” I was already in severe pain that day while she was here and then the added stress of the conflict, so I responded that I’d rather not, and she showed up anyway.

This is really an unhealthy relationship.

I could go into many more specific instances but all this to say she has poor boundaries, sees “gang stalkers” (I had to look it up) got mad when I asked what it was because “you know what it is, you’re gaslighting me” I could go on and on but the point is these are some of the interactions.

The last interaction I invited her over to go through my groceries I’m removing from the house for what she wants and she said she was hungry and I fed her.

Now this would be awkward.

While she was here, there was a mistep on my part where I was too open about a part of my past life during a conversation and instead of telling me she didn’t want to talk about my story despite saying plenty of her own, she assumes and responds like I’m hitting on her…eeew, no.

I have zero interest in anyone, much less an old lady with crackhead mouth and super mentally unstable who is hard to be around at least 60% of the time. Anyway, she left and hasn’t returned nor responded to phone calls or messages from me since.

Ahh, this explains some of it.

Fast forward to today (payday) and the messages. I’m not sure why I’m writing here, I guess just looking for validation without anyone to talk to.

I definetly should have cut her out at the first sign of drama, but my severe isolation and desperation for help were certainly a factor.

Both of these two people have their own problems.

Also, I tend to be a bit of a people pleaser most generally and ultra forgiving and understanding of others issues, after all I have my own.

I don’t know how to handle her and it scares me her living so close and not knowing what she’s capable of.

What a difficult situation. Each of these two ladies has their own issues, and unfortunately, they seem to make each other worse.

Read through the comments below and see what other people have to say about their relationship.

Getting out of this situation should be step one.

Cut her off and don’t look back.

Distance really is the best option.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a person who is thinking of alerting the city to their neighbor’s campers being lived-in while parked on the street.

This commenter thinks she needs to set some boundaries.

It might come down to this, though.

This is a very unhealthy relationship for both of them. Finding a way to end it may be difficult, but it really is what needs to be done.

Hopefully the neighbor accepts the situation and moves on without causing problems, but that seems unlikely.