Her Sisters Accused Her of Not Caring for Their Ailing Mom — Then She Laughed During the Funeral
Grief can bring families together, but it can also drag every old resentment straight to the surface—sometimes before the funeral is even over.
One woman says she and her two older sisters had a clear arrangement when their mother, who had Parkinson’s disease, moved back to their country and needed significant help. Since she was the only sister with a job, she would financially support their mother while the others handled more of the day-to-day caregiving.
At least, that was the plan.
Instead, she says she ended up paying the bills, arranging medical care, providing transportation and regularly leaving work to spend nights at the hospital with her mother. Meanwhile, her sisters and brother-in-law increasingly complained that she wasn’t doing enough.
The resentment only grew as their mother’s condition deteriorated, particularly after she learned about an upsetting nickname being used behind her back.
By the time their mother died, everyone apparently had a very different version of who had actually stepped up for her.
And when one of those versions was announced publicly at the funeral, the youngest sister couldn’t help but laugh.
AITA for laughing at My sister and brother in law on My mothers funeral?
I 38(f) am the youngest of 3 sisters T 43 & B 46.I am the only one with a job they are both stay at home moms.
Years ago, my mom moved to another country and rebuilt her life; she had a boyfriend, I was the only one to visit her. I
was there for her when she was hospitalized, as well as birthdays, Christmases, and so on, while my sisters only asked her for money.
That’s not cool.
Years later, my mom’s boyfriend passed away, then she was diagnosed with Parkinson’s. She had no family in that country, so she wanted to be with us she could barely move.
We had discussed how to care for her upon her return; we agreed that since I was the only one working, I would pay for everything—care, food, treatments, and whatever she needed—while my two sisters would handle the actual caregiving.
That was the agreement—or so I thought.
It’s about to go down.
My sister T took her in I bought everything necessary and handled the paperwork for my mom’s treatment and medical appointments.
I was the only one with a car, so I drove my mom to all her appointments every week; my sisterand her husband started complaining.they felt it wasn’t fair for her to do the caregiving while I “just worked.”
My mom’s health deteriorated, He suggested to make things “equitable,” I should care for her after work while my sister did it in the morning—all while I continued to pay for everything, since they didn’t have enough money. My other sister, B, refused to care for my mom and disappeared, so I won’t mention her much.
How awful.
I understand that caring for a sick person is a lot of work, but caring for a sick person while working—which is what they wanted me to do—was even harder.
Towards the end of her life, my mother wore diapers. I found out one day that my sister and her husband had nicknamed her “the pooper.”
Often, they would call me that she needed to go to the hospital and asking me to come pick her up; since my sister’s house was a 40-minute drive away, they wouldn’t take her in a taxi—they would wait for me to arrive so I would take her.
How awful.
When my mother was hospitalized, I would leave work to care for her at night because my sister could only look after her in the mornings. I would only get about two hours of sleep before heading straight from the hospital to work.
This happened several times, but they didn’t care; to them, I was just “working.”
When my mother passed away, I handled all the funeral arrangements and paid for everything, as they claimed they had no money.
This just keeps getting worse.
They told me that since I hadn’t cared for my mother it was up to me to pay for the funeral. At the funeral, nobody offered me their condolences.
My sister’s mother-in-law announced in front of everyone that they were the only ones who had taken care of my mom and that they deserved a place in heaven for being such good people. That’s when I laughed and told them they wouldn’t be taking care of “poopers” anymore.
So, Aita for laughing at My moms funeral?
Commenters overwhelmingly sided with the youngest sister and called her NTA, even if laughing at a funeral would normally sound wildly inappropriate without the context.
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Caring for someone with a degenerative illness is exhausting, and her sister deserves acknowledgment for the hands-on care she did provide. But that doesn’t erase everything the youngest sister contributed. She paid their mother’s expenses, handled appointments and paperwork, drove 40 minutes when transportation was needed and sacrificed sleep to care for her in the hospital while continuing to work.
The claim that she “didn’t care for” her mother simply because she also had a job doesn’t hold up.
More disturbing was the family’s alleged treatment of their mother as her health declined. Giving a vulnerable woman an insulting nickname based on needing diapers is difficult to reconcile with the glowing declaration at her funeral that her caregivers deserved a place in heaven.
Could the youngest sister have stayed silent? Sure. A funeral isn’t the ideal setting for settling family scores. But after years of contributing financially and physically, then paying for the funeral only to hear someone publicly rewrite the story, her reaction is understandable.
If the family wanted unquestioned praise for how lovingly they cared for her mother, perhaps they shouldn’t have given her a nickname they’d be ashamed to repeat at the funeral.
This person is just sorry OP was treated this way.
This person says whatever you do, don’t keep quiet.
If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a sister who refuses to give up her own holiday traditions to spend the day with her family at her brother’s cabin.
This person praises OP for all the amazing work she did with her mom.
Claiming your place in heaven gets a little awkward when the nickname you gave the dying woman follows you to the funeral.
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