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Scheduling conflicts become far more complicated when both sides of a divided family expect unquestioned loyalty.

This woman must choose between her cousin’s military sendoff and an uncle’s surprise 60th birthday happening simultaneously.

Instead of weighing both occasions fairly, her paternal relatives are already threatening consequences if she misses their celebration.

Read on for the full breakdown.

WIBTAH for attending my cousins going away party instead of my uncles surprise birthday party

In about a month, my cousin, I’ll call him Bryce, is shipping out for the US Air Force.

Originally, he wasn’t supposed to leave until the end of July or early August, but there is a job his sergeant thought of Bryce for.

He just graduated high school, and his grad party is in a couple of weeks.

This cousin comes from my mom’s side of the family. Despite being 10+ years older than Bryce and his two younger sisters, my 4 siblings and I are very close to them.

This woman is planning to attend her cousin’s cookout party.

My cousin is leaving so soon, so they scheduled a small going-away cookout for him the weekend after his grad party.

Here’s the problem. My uncle on my dad’s side, let’s call him William, is turning 60.

So my aunt (his wife) is planning a surprise party for him.

Unfortunately, these parties are the same day and at the same time.

She doesn’t want to attend her uncle’s party because his family isn’t very nice to them.

If my parents, siblings, and I choose to go celebrate Bryce, my dad’s side of the family will be angry with us.

Especially my grandma as she thinks my uncle is some wonderful person who can do no wrong.

This is far from the truth. My dad, mom, siblings, and I are pretty much the black sheep to his family. My grandma constantly trashes us and complains about us.

We know she does this because she will talk poorly about, say, my sister to my brother and vice versa. My Uncle William will also do this as well.

Her uncle even called her stupid.

I’m currently in nursing school, and there were some pre-reqs I was struggling in. He pretty much called me stupid and said I wasn’t going to make it.

She also said other not-nice things about me to my dad and brother.

I don’t even talk about school with any of them anymore (this includes grandma) because they’ve been so negative towards me.

But Bryce’s family is kind and sweet.

Meanwhile, Bryce’s family is always so kind and sweet, knowing my struggles.

We might be the jerks because we knew about Uncle William’s surprise party before Bryce’s going-away cookout.

And his grad party is the week before. But we all intend to go see Bryce off.

I already know my grandma is going to be so mad.

She thinks it’s illogical to choose the people who do not treat them right.

I was at her house the other day and she brought up the surprise birthday. This was before we knew about Bryce’s earlier leave date.

She basically said she was going to be done if my immediate family didn’t go. She claims we never go to anything. We don’t really have very many family gatherings to begin with.

Then, of course, she talked so highly of Uncle William.

Why would we want to go celebrate someone, and with other people, who seemingly don’t even like us?

Which party should they attend?

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Let’s check out what others have to say about this on Reddit.

This user makes a valid point.

This person gives their honest opinion.

Stop trying to please people who don’t like you, says this person.

Here’s more honest advice.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a sister who feels badly about unknowingly encouraging her younger brother to play with bullies.

Finally, a short and simple response.

This woman isn’t wrong for prioritizing a close cousin’s one-time military sendoff over another relative’s birthday party.

Her uncle will have other birthdays, while Bryce’s early departure created a narrow opportunity for everyone to say goodbye.

Grandma turned a scheduling conflict into a family loyalty audition nobody requested.

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Author

Chris Allen