Living with roommates requires compromise. Maybe someone likes the thermostat a little warmer, or another person has a questionable habit of leaving cabinet doors open.

But there’s a difference between tolerating someone’s quirks and wondering whether the mysterious smell in the kitchen is coming from last month’s groceries.

One 25-year-old man is reaching his limit with a roommate whose cleaning habits leave plenty to be desired.

The two share a house with another roommate, and while everyone generally gets along, one housemate has developed an unfortunate reputation for leaving messes wherever he goes.

Dirty dishes, abandoned snacks and expired groceries have become regular fixtures in their shared spaces.

And despite multiple conversations about cleaning up, nothing seems to change.

Things became even more concerning when a plumbing issue required access through the messy roommate’s bedroom.

What the man discovered inside made the kitchen situation look almost manageable.

Now he’s preparing for another conversation, but he’s worried that pushing too hard could damage their relationship.

Roommate doesn’t clean after himself

Does anyone know how to co-exist with roommate who lives a messy lifestyle? 25yo male living with 2 male roommates in a small 4 bedroom house. We are several months into our lease and I’m starting to notice some patterns that could eventually cause conflict if they are not addressed soon.

One of my roommates seems to have trouble cleaning after himself. He is a great guy but sometimes I get really angry with him when I am around him. The amount of times I’ve brought the topic of cleaning up to him is concerning.

It seems like each time its brought up he doesn’t seem to put any actual effort into cleaning going forward.

Is he an adult, or…?

He still leaves trash and dishes in our common spaces, dishes in the sink, used pots and pans on the stove top, grocery store bags and open bags of snack food on our kitchen counters, and lets food expire in our cabinets and fridge.

I don’t bring it up much and I tell myself to just leave it alone if I see it and that he will get it eventually. But I swears day and weeks will just go by and nothing has been touched.

Occasionally the dishes would be dealt with but food and stains are just ignored. No joke there as been a half eaten bag of hamburger buns sitting on our kitchen island for over 2 weeks and didn’t notice it until I brought it up to him. Those buns expired almost a month ago.

Gross.

His room is always messy and he never puts effort into cleaning or doing his laundry. He keeps his door open and all I see are piles of clothes, trash, and boxes full of stuff everywhere.

The other day I had to walk through there when he wasn’t around as we needed some work done on our houses pluming that required me to get to our backdoor in his room. What I saw makes me worried about his mental health.

Around his bed are piles of clothes and bags. At the base of his computer desk there are dirty dishes and half eaten containers of snack food. On his desk are fast-food bags, fast food drinks, soda cans, and mixed drink glasses. To get to his backdoor I have to walk over boxes, dishes, shoes, musical equipment, clothes, food, and wires.

Excuse me while I vomit.

My other roommate took notice to and we have asked him individually to clean his room several times. We have even offered to help him clean it up on our free time and he always rejects help and pushing it under the rug for later.

I don’t know if I am an the a*****e for wishing he clean up more but this behavior is really starting to annoy me.

I thought it might be going through some hard times but he just says that he is OK and I just don’t believe it.

No way.

Whenever he is here he usually just sits on his phone doomscrolling or watching something the TV. He seems to always be eating something to and that something he eats always ends up in between our couch or left on it with the bag open.

I’m planning on sitting down and talking with him about all of this tonight but I’m afraid that its going to be inconclusive. Before this house we had a extremely toxic roommate who didn’t respect any of us. I really don’t want to come off as controlling or argumentative. But I’m not sure where to go if our attempts keep falling through.

If anyone can inquire it will be greatly appreciated.

The man isn’t being unreasonable for expecting his roommate to clean up after himself. Leaving dirty dishes, food scraps and expired groceries around shared spaces isn’t simply a difference in personal preferences. It can create hygiene problems that affect everyone living there.

The condition of the bedroom is also concerning, particularly because food waste and clutter could attract pests or create safety hazards.

However, the roommate’s apparent lack of motivation might indicate something more complicated than laziness. Mental health challenges, executive functioning difficulties or other personal struggles can make basic household tasks feel overwhelming, although there’s no way to know whether that’s happening here.

A direct conversation focused on specific behaviors would be more productive than another general request to clean.

The roommates could establish clear expectations for dishes, food disposal and shared spaces, along with reasonable deadlines.

They should also approach concerns about his bedroom carefully, respecting his privacy while addressing legitimate sanitation and safety issues.

Ultimately, compassion and boundaries aren’t mutually exclusive. The roommate deserves understanding if he’s struggling, but his housemates shouldn’t have to live surrounded by his mess.

This person says he has full control over his room, common areas, however…

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a community who realizes their mistake after restricting parking to residents only gets guests and delivery drivers towed.

This person feels for the roommate, but also OP.

And this person has jokes.

Judging by the expired hamburger buns, even the groceries have given up waiting.