A Cousin Sent a Rude and Demanding Wedding RSVP—So He Returned a Targeted Telemetry Note Just to Break Her entitlement
Shutterstock
Imagine sending out wedding invitations. You’d get some RSVPs that are “yes” and some that are “no,” but what would you do if there was a detailed note attached to one of the “no” RSVPs telling you why they’re not coming to your wedding?
Would you brush it off or respond back?
In this story, one couple receives a note from a cousin who can’t make it to their wedding, and it really bothers them.
Keep reading to see how they handle the situation.
Not Your Father’s Etiquette
Picture it: Brooklyn, 2010. My then-fiancé (now 53m) and I (now 49m) are planning a small wedding ceremony and invited, among other people, our extended families; we knew none of them were going to be able to attend, but we didn’t want them to feel excluded.
As the wedding date drew nigh, along with the RSVPs from our friends, we received, as expected, regrets from our extended families.
All of these were lovely, overflowing with warmth and good wishes.
Until the note arrived from Fiancé’s cousin R.
Let’s see what the note had to say…
It read something like this:
Dear Fiancé and OP,
Thank you for the invitation to your wedding. Since we’re Catholic and follow the Church’s teaching, we can’t accept, but we send you all our love and hope that the day is a wonderful one.
Love,
Cousin and Cousin’s Husband
The more he thought about it, the more the note bothered him.
At first when I read this I was just nonplussed. I mean, it was 2010; who sends an RSVP like that in 2010?
But as the day wore on, I started to get angry.
First of all, the correct way to decline an invitation is, “Cousin and Cousin’s Husband regret that they will be unable to accept the very kind invitation of OP and Fiancé on Wedding Day and Date.”
Note that doing so involves no mention of why Cousin and Cousin’s husband are declining or what they might or might not believe about the wedding and its validity.
He had his fiancé look at the note.
Second of all, I happened to know both that no version of Catholic doctrine forbids the faithful from attending and that no version of Catholic doctrine requires them to plead an excuse not to attend.
I showed the note to Fiancé when he got home.
“Look, OP,” he said, “Cousin is the one who talks about everybody in the family behind their backs.”
“Maybe she didn’t understand what she was saying.”
The fiancé seemed to think it was no big deal.
“She understood exactly what she was saying. Remember, she trash-talked you to everybody in the family the day after she met you.”
“She did what?”
“Whoops. I thought I told you that.”
“But she was so nice to me when I met her.”
“That’s Cousin for you. I’m sure she was drunk when she wrote this, anyway. Just let it go.”
That’s easier said than done. Instead, he wanted revenge.
But I couldn’t let it go.
I grew angrier and angrier, and when we went to bed I lay awake, tossing and turning, unable to sleep.
Finally I had an idea, got up, did some Googling, and found exactly what I needed.
This allowed me to write (on handmade Nepalese paper, no less) and send the next day the following letter:
Let’s see what he wrote…
Dear Cousin and Cousin’s Husband,
Thank you so much for your kind note; of course we understand why you can’t attend. We felt our wedding wouldn’t be a true celebration, however, without having you involved in some way, so we’ve made donations in your honor to Freedom to Marry \[an organization working at the time for the right of couples to marry\] and to SNAP, the Survivors’ Network of those Abused by Priests.
We hope you’re well and we look forward to seeing you some time soon.
Love,
Never Miss a StorySign up to get our BEST stories of the week straight to your inbox.
OP and Fiancé
He feels like it was a success.
We never received a reply, but the fact that we seem to have been removed from her Christmas-card list tells me everything I need to know.
Let this be a lesson, by the by, that etiquette is neither “stupid rules about which fork to use” nor “just about making people feel comfortable,” both of which descriptions I have seen offered as definitions.
Dinnerware and social lubrication do indeed find themselves under the umbrella of etiquette, but they are joined there by techniques for smiling sweetly at your enemies as you cut their hearts out.
Simply RSVPing “no” would’ve been enough. The cousin didn’t need to give a reason.
Let’s see how Reddit responded.
This person loved OP’s response.
Another person calls OP’s note “brutal.”
A catholic weighs in.
If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about two kids trying to earn money by mowing grass, and decide to solve their gas issue by stealing some of dad’s.
This person shared their favorite part.
That’s one way of handling an annoying cousin!
He could’ve just let it go, but he felt much more satisfied getting back at the cousin. I wonder if he really made the donations (I doubt it), or if he just said he did to annoy the cousin.
I’m sure their wedding was better without the cousin being there.
Enjoyed this story?
Sign up to get our BEST stories of the week straight to your inbox.
