She Lost Her Grandmother and Spent a Month Working Without Cell Service—So Her Roommate Called Her “Evil” for Not Keeping in Touch
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Losing a loved one is difficult enough without having to worry about whether you’re giving your roommate enough attention.
One 19-year-old woman is questioning whether she neglected a friendship after her roommate began spreading rumors about her and her boyfriend.
Earlier this year, the woman lost her grandmother to brain cancer shortly before leaving for a month-long job at a music festival.
Knowing she’d have limited cell service and little time to process her grief, she warned her roommate that she probably wouldn’t be checking in very often.
He assured her that everything was fine.
Unfortunately, when she returned home, his behavior suggested otherwise.
He began canceling plans, pressuring her to move out and apparently telling other people that she was a terrible friend for failing to reach out.
And as the situation escalated, the accusations became considerably more personal.
Now, with a new apartment finally secured, she’s wondering whether she actually did something wrong.
AITA for not reaching out to my roommate after my grandma died
I (19F) have been living with a friend (19M) for 9 months, recently I’ve found out he’s been spreading a bunch of rumors and accusations about my boyfriend and I. It started heavily in June of this year(2026).
Every year in June I go to work one of the big musical festivals in my state. This year before the festival my grandmother passed of brain cancer and I had no time to process before having to go work in the middle of a field with no service for a month (having no service is an important part of this story).
Before leaving for work and my grandmas funeral I had let my roommate know that I might not be able to check in with him as often, he swore to me that it was okay.
It better be.
I came back home in the middle of July and he immediately started treating me different, he had consistently been bailing on plans we made late into the night and constantly nagging me about a move out date (i had been rejected by multiple places already because im 19 with no credit and apparently nobody wants to rent to young adults anymore).
I told him that we were working on it but it’s taking a long time because nobody wants to rent to us(my boyfriend and I) after that initial conversation the nagging continued before he then moved in two of his friends while he was across the country.
Those friends reached out to my boyfriend and I and told us things that he has been saying about us since June, one of those things was that we were “evil for never reaching out” we hadn’t even been home for more than 3 weeks in which I was unpacking from living in a field for a month.
Wow.
We had been trying to plan a hangout with him for 2 of those weeks where he’d cancel on us to hangout with other people every time.
Eventually, I did stop reaching out as I’m not going to put effort into a person who very obviously doesn’t want to see me.
Those friends he moved in ended up moving out less than a week from when they got there because my roommate was consistently making them feel bad for not immediately having a job after moving them from North Carolina to Michigan.
Ridiculous.
After they left my roommate came and talked to me about how they were so evil and “abandoned him” him coming and talking to me about them kind of confirmed to me that he was 100% saying I was evil for not reaching out because he had then spun his point of view of the other people within a day.
Since then I’ve received multiple screenshots on what he’s been saying and it’s moved from me just being “evil” to him accusing me of faking my disability and accusing my boyfriend of cheating on me. Usually I’d dig deeper into a cheating accusation but I am 100% certain my boyfriend is not cheating on me seeing as we’ve been together everyday for the last 9 months and he has 2 jobs.
We’ve finally been accepted into an apartment and have been accepted for about 2 weeks now and get to move in this weekend but we haven’t told him bc we’re scared what he’ll do/say. So, AITA?
The woman doesn’t appear to have done anything wrong by prioritizing her responsibilities and grieving her grandmother rather than maintaining constant contact with her roommate.
She explained her circumstances before leaving, and he explicitly told her that limited communication wouldn’t be a problem.
If his feelings changed, he could have discussed that with her directly instead of allegedly criticizing her to other people.
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His behavior after her return also raises questions about whether he genuinely wanted to maintain the friendship. Repeatedly canceling plans while complaining that she wasn’t making an effort seems contradictory.
The accusations about her disability and boyfriend are particularly troubling, assuming the screenshots accurately reflect what he’s been saying.
However, the upcoming move deserves some practical consideration. Even if she doesn’t want to disclose her new address or discuss her plans personally, she should make sure she fulfills any lease obligations and provides whatever notice is legally required.
Ultimately, grief isn’t a personal slight, and friendship shouldn’t require someone to constantly prove their loyalty.
Her roommate may feel neglected, but that doesn’t justify spreading hurtful accusations.
This person says NTA at all.
If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a woman who escalates her issue to the state when a third family is added to a shared neighborhood well.
This person says the roommate is clearly the problem.
And this person agrees with all.
She lost her grandmother and spent a month without cell service, but apparently her roommate decided the real tragedy was not getting enough attention.
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