Now, I think almost everyone would agree that involving very young children in the personal lives of their parents is unnecessary and even cruel, but what about divorcing when your children are older?

They’ve likely witnessed more and have opinions of their own, so how much should they be told?

OP thought to keep her 15yo daughter out of things when she divorced her husband for being repeatedly unfaithful. She kept it brief and tried to say as little as possible that would cast her ex in a bad light.

So me and my ex husband split about a year ago. he had been cheating for over half for the amount of years we had been together and I caught him in bed with a man and a woman, he was bisexual I divorced him soon after despite all the pleads and we went out separate ways.

I’ve tried to briefly explain without outing him to my daughter(15f) why we are splitting, my intention was never to turn her away from her dad or make her hate him. We had originally stated that we would try to keep this as brief and shelter our daughter from this harsh time as much as possible.

Then her daughter started to be disrespectful, and to tell OP that it was her fault they divorced. She accused OP of cheating and breaking up their family.

OP reached out to not only her ex but her family and friends as well, asking what, if anything, they might have said that would cause her daughter to come to that conclusion.

Lately she has been very hateful and disrespectful towards me and for the longest I couldn’t understand why, Until she had gotten into a fit and told me that I ruined her life and if I just kept my legs closed she would have still had her family back together,

This shocked me, at first I was pissed but then I was confused as to where she got this information from.

I had asked her before and she said that she wasn’t going to talk to me when I was the one who ruined her life.

I called her father and asked him if he knew anything about this and if he had told anyone I was the one who fucked up but he dismissed everything and said he had no clue where she had gotten that information from.

Now I was really confused and back to angry that she said this to me, but I chose to wait until I knew what was going on I tried talking to her multiple times but she continued to shut me down and say that I ruined her life, I’m a terrible mom, I chose sex above her family, and I’m the only one to blame for her not having a mom and dad together.

I reached out to all family and friends to see if they had said anything that would lead to this as well.

Then she saw some texts on her daughter’s phone from her father, and it was clear where her daughter was getting this idea from.

Now I’m not proud if this but I saw a message come up on my daughters phone and I peaked at it, the message read, “I know sweetie just three more days” and it was from her dad. I opened the phone to see tons of messages of them two going back and forth with her telling him that she was sick of being here, she didn’t want to be near me after I did that, she couldn’t believe I would cheat, she’s disgusted by Me, and her father just agreed and consoled her.

I’d asked him multiple times if he knew anything about her behavior and he said no, he put the blame on me for no reason.

I called him once again after that, and messaged him about it when he didn’t respond and got left on read.

She sat her daughter down and told her the whole truth, but now her ex and some of her family are trying to tell her it was wrong to be so honest.

I sat my daughter down and told her that I know she’s angry at me, and I tried to shelter her from this and keep her ad far away from this as possible, but I won’t be held accountable for actions that weren’t mine. I left any and all questions that i couldn’t say without his perspective out.

She was shocked and apologized for her behavior to me. This wasn’t some petty revenge to get back at him, but I cant have my relationship with hers ruined either. I’m now getting blasted by all of my family and his for doing this so AITA

Edit: to anyone and everyone reading this, do not take that I divorced because of his sexuality, nor did I say what I did for the malicious intent behind it. I respected him before this and I still respected him now and left any questions I couldn’t fully answer to her so nothing was left misunderstood.

Reddit’s weighing in on this tough question below!

The top comment says they hope OP kept all of those texts for legal purposes.

More than a few people were seriously triggered.

While this person says that kids always figure it out eventually, anyway.

All kids should be able to understand consequences.

Sometimes it really should be about the kids.

Relationships are hard, and having kids complicates things like crazy.

Just a few things to remember.