Some aspects of parenting come easily or naturally, but for some kids, grasping the why of certain social norm can be tough.

OP’s daughter is 11 and is having a birthday party. Since they had plenty of space reserved, they agreed that she could invited her class of 20 kids.

My daughter is eleven going on twelve, and her birthday is coming up in a few weeks. For her birthday, she wants to go swimming, so we rented the local community center that has a pool and a giant activity room where we’ll have lots of treats and stuff.

We asked her to make us a list of invitees so we can get everything coordinated. She asked if she could just invite her whole class of 20 or so kids.

It’s a big activity center with lots of room so we said that was fine.

When she brought the list, though, OP noticed three names were crossed off. His daughter said they weren’t mean to her or anything, just weird and she didn’t want them there.

So she goes to the kitchen and about ten minutes later comes back with her classmate “directory.” Her school puts together a small binder that lists the names of the students by each class, the names of the parent(s), and a phone number and/or email address.

She hands it to me and I quickly notice that three names have been crossed out. I asked why, and she said those are the ones she doesn’t want to invite.

I started asking her other questions, like if they had an argument, or if they were mean, bullies, etc., and she maintained that no, she just thought they were strange and didn’t really like them.

They went back and forth for a few minutes as he attempted to get her to see why this wasn’t the nicest course of action, but eventually, she ran away crying.

I told her that she can’t just invite the whole class with just three exclusions. She just kind of looked at me and said it’s her birthday.

I explained that this could be hurtful to them, and that if she was so staunchly against them attending, then it would be better to have a smaller party and invite just a handful of her closest friends.

She said she doesn’t want a small party, she wanted a big party, and I told her then everyone in the class is getting an invitation.

She said no, they aren’t, and I told her okay, then no one is and she ran out of the room crying.

She has started crying and running away whenever she has seen me since and I’m starting to feel guilty.

OP is wondering if he’s wrong, or just approached the conversation wrong.

My wife was frustrated with me and says that she gets where I’m coming from, but it IS daughter’s birthday and she should only have the people she wants there.

I tried to explain that I don’t want our daughter to be a reason these three kids have a crappy time in school. I can’t in good conscience let her exclude other kids like this.

Am I wrong here?

Wife says all we need to worry about is daughter having a fun birthday and I’m already ruining for picking a fight over something no one will remember years down the road, but I don’t agree at all.

If they were bullies, that would be one thing. But they aren’t, so to me, it’s cruelty. And cruelty sticks with people.

Reddit to the rescue!

The top comment says OP is not wrong, but he could maybe check with the teacher just in case.

This person was excluded, and confirms that it sticks with a person.

They think OP’s wife needs to rethink her parenting strategy.

There’s no real reason to leave these kids out.

Stories like this will break your heart.

I hope OP’s daughter will take this lesson to heart.

And that mom will get on board with teaching it.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parent’s 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.