We all like to imagine we could be a super spy at times. But a former CIA man has given us the key to actually booking a hotel like James Bond!

If we’re going to wander off into fantasy land, and pretend we are spies – then yeah, we even need to book hotels like these guys and according to @mccloskeybooks this is how we do it.

Oh and this message must be destroyed after you read it! Ha.

He told his followers on TikTok: “Right, this is how to book a hotel room CIA edition. Tip 1, assume your room is wired for audio and video the whole time you’re there.” Ouch, it’s just like carrying a mobile phone round! Ha!

He added: “Assume that the internal security service [of] the country you’re in is watching you. If that security service does anything to your room, they remove things from the safe, they move the furniture round, if they poo on your bed….”

Yes, he really did just say that. Cough. He said it actually happened to someone.

But importantly, McCloskey added, don’t let anyone know you know they’ve been there!

“That is offensive to them as professionals. So, whenever disruptions happen in the room, you just go about your business, you clean it up and deal with it.”

He also advised people travel with a “little plastic door stop wedge thingy” to stop people entering the hotel room door!

Now, things are getting real!

But this info is gold! Because what floor you’re on could actually save your life if you were a spy.

He said: “Below the 4th floor, [you’re] susceptible to car bombs and other insanity—above the 10th floor and the firetruck ladders in most places can’t reach you…”

Wow, now I feel like an almost James Bond type spy ready to take on a hotel booking!

Watch the full clip here:

@mccloskeybooks

Hotel tips from the CIA, including what to do if the internal security service poops on your bed, and why you should always book a room between the 4th and 10th floors #hoteltip #travel #cia #poop

♬ original sound – David McCloskey

Here’s what people thought of the spy clip…

Ha!

James Bond wannabees?

If only!

I think I’ll stick to being a citizen.

Much safer.

Now that you’ve read that story, check out this one about a delivery driver who took a $400 grocery order back because she wasn’t given a tip.