March 12, 2024 at 5:28 pm

Her In-Laws Dropped A Massive Down Payment, And Now Feel Uncomfortable With Her Parents Moving In To Help With Childcare

by Chris Allen

Source: Reddit/AITA/Pexels

Buying a house, starting a family, building your new life:

these are some exciting and stressful times!

Especially if you’re in a non-traditional couple, navigating all these waters of life can really strain relationships.

Sometimes you get lucky; a family member or even in-laws step in and help with a big down payment.

The proverbial sigh of relief heard ’round the apartment building.

But sometimes that down payment can come with invisible (or even unintentional) strings attached.

This young gay couples’ story about just that situation is definitely worth the read.

AITA for letting my parents move into a house my in laws paid for?

Me (28F) and my wife (29F) were lucky enough to receive major help with buying our first house as a wedding gift from my wife’s parents (they paid a down payment of 50%, and we pay the monthly mortgage).

Her parents are very well off and both make over 250k each a year. They do not have to continue to work but they often travel for a good 8 weeks of the year and in general want to continue to work for a few more years to support their lifestyle.

Sounds like OP and her partner are extremely grateful for the head-start in life.

My parents however live a more modest life. They can pay for what they need and a lot of what they want and own a house in a small rural area.

My in laws live a 15 minute drive from where our house is, I am pretty sure part of the down payment gift was to ensure that we remained close to them.

Me and my wife are expecting our first child together in May and are super excited. We’ve started to discuss child care options and in our city a spot in a baby room at a legit daycare is almost 2k a month!

OP’s parents offered to help out. Another incredibly generous gesture.

My parents knew about this struggle and my mother offered to stay and watch our baby once we’ve run out of maternity leave (baby will probably be 10-11 months).

They however live over two hours from where we are so I offered them the bedroom and washroom in our finished basement. My fathers work place would actually be lesser of a commute from our place than where they live now.

So in this idea my parents would live in with us while my mother provides free child care. This would save us a lot of money and ensure that they have an active role in their grandchild’s life.

But that’s when the friction started.

However when we told my in-laws about it it was awkward. And then later my wife came to me telling me that they aren’t comfortable with us letting my parents live for free in a house they paid for. She said that they offered to help pay for childcare if that was an issue.

I feel as they don’t get to have a say with what we do with our house considering it was a gift. We are very thankful of course but I don’t think we owe it to them to not let my parents stay with us.

I also think it’s unfair since they will be 15 minutes from their grandchild and could see them everyday, while if my parents stay where they live now they will see our child a few times a month max. Am I the AH?

The couple keeps a level head, recognizing the gracious offers from the in-laws.

But at the same time they want to keep her parents in the picture, and to a bystander here, it just sounds like a win-win.

I of course discussed this with my wife before involving either of or parents, we were in an agreement prior to the conversation with her parents now we are a bit nervous (her more so than me)

We are also both women, we are a lesbian couple. I am the one carrying the child. I did not feel the need to mention that but it seems to influence a lot of people opinion based on who is the carrier.

If those level heads can prevail around the family, there’s nothing they can’t come to an understanding resolution about.

But folks in the comments had some wise words.

And some with advice.

This person was quick to remind that the wife’s opinion plays a massive role.

Source: Reddit/AITA

While one commenter saw puppet strings being pulled.

Source: Reddit/AITA

This person had some word-for-word advice to share.

Source: Reddit/AITA

And one Redditor pointed out that the house down payment was a gift.

End of story.

Source: Reddit/AITA

I’ll take a 50% down payment please.

If you thought that was an interesting story, check this one out about a man who created a points system for his inheritance, and a family friend ends up getting almost all of it.